Finding the Classical path to letting go...

Baxter

Ok, I admit it, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious. I'm also loving my new training, learning a lot and being pushed to every limit of my being currently in my real life. I'm a Pilates teacher, that does not make me indestructible, impervious to sadness or always able to know what to do. I have two great loves, Pilates and Animal Welfare, the more I learn about both, the more I'm inspired and the more frustrated I get when small things blur the bigger picture.

Since starting the course I've had the joy of working along side some new trainee teachers and be trained by some truly passionate and gifted ones. The generosity of individuals to preserve and keep alive our great technique is truly humbling and awesome, and I think in some ways the fact that my co trainees find it baffling that I still get teaching stage fright even if it is amusing to watch. I think its easy for those of us who have taught for so long to forget how far our journey has taken us and just how much we have learnt and have yet to learn. You see the more I understand the Classical approach to Pilates the more I'm interested in understanding everyone's perspective on the work, because new isn't always wrong, its just different. Having recently read 'Your Health' written in the 30's there is a very different feel to the work in 'Return to Life' written in the 40's and perhaps that's the point the work we do is always going to have a different view, it just depends which lookout you are positioned on and perhaps even which decade..

And so it seems with the day to day effort to keep Life full of life and as I prepare the teaching schedule up to Christmas, I barely have time to consider the previous year. I had the most amazing time in Italy with an amazing group of Pilates devotees, I really have not laughed like that in a long time, I am truly, truly grateful to those who made it such an awesome experience, even if I did find myself unexpectedly rescuing a poodle one morning, once an animal advocate, always an animal advocate even when at work it seems. 

Since returning my life has been classes, training, legal deadlock with a Freeholder, VAT dilemmas, unhappy tenants, volunteering at my local animal shelter and divorce and now a sick dog with joint problems. Enter my dog Baxter who is my calm in the storm, but now he hurts and never complains and my heart aches for him. My quiet companion who belongs to a so so called devil breed otherwise known as Bull breeds has rescued my soul from the overwhelming grief of losing my beloved dog Honey to Cancer last September, his quiet grace and humor compels me to slow down and chase leaves occasionally...and so it is with admitting that sometimes I get overwhelmed, I say the wrong things to loved ones and to friends, I sometimes forget to reply to emails and voicemail's or update my website, but in case someone doesn't notice because I'm busy being  the strong, capable one, sometimes I just need a little grace too, a little time and understanding, after all its Just Pilates and I'm just a Pilates teacher learning to let go. But rest assured  I promise not to lick your face in gratitude, even if I am forever grateful.

Keep up the Pilates journey....

Suzy 

www.seraphinapilates.com

Unity in Diversity....

This post was originally meant to be about my recent New York Pilates exploits, about going to Barre Classes expecting to exercise like a swan and instead doing butt busting plies to loud aerobics music resembling a blindfolded duck! It was going to focus on meeting Carey Regan at http://www.reabnyc.com/home.asp and the wonderful insight she gave me into her experience of Pilates, 'Its just Pilates' she said to me 'do less and have fun!' I nodded my head like one of the dogs you see in the windows of cars, I threw my arms around as if Makarova herself was dancing inside my head. I worked through the exercises and I screeched as Carey pushed and pulled me until I simply gave up resisting and eventually found my way. In truth I knew very little about Carey before meeting her, other than the fact that she came highly recommended from people I respect and that, quite honestly, was enough.

 



However, this week as the Pilates World lost Romana Kryzanowska and Julian Littleford I am not only saddened by the passing of these individuals but deeply saddened by some of the bickering and squabbling I have observed on social media Forums. I did not know either of these people personally I can however, appreciate the loss to the family and friends left behind. As such I  do not understand some of the posts I have witnessed amongst so called 'Pilates professionals'. From what I can observe Romana along with several other 'Elders' helped Pilates become the success it is today, a legacy reaching far and wide across the globe. a life well lived and champagne often appreciated. In the case of Julian who I watched in interview with Alan Herdman online, I observed a generous, humorous man, passionate about Pilates and his family, I had hoped to cross his path at some point, sadly not to be. His death at 53 was untimely and to many truly devastating, the death of my own father at 45 taught me from an early age that even the apparently young, fit and healthy sometimes get taken too soon. Death is a time for appropriate reverence not playground bitching.

And so as I have read the references to Pilates in terms of a 'Family', 'Industry', 'Business' or 'Corporation' the thing I observe least is 'Community'. Perhaps my position is naïve, where there are people there will always be differences of perspective and opinion, where there are lawsuits there will always be one side arguing for and one side arguing against. But I fear, caught in the middle are those just wanting to enjoy, benefit from and appreciate Pilates. No wonder teachers become frustrated and despondent when they see those they admire openly venting their spleens. To that end perhaps there is just reason to feel aggrieved and angry over events or history but I truly believe not all platforms and times are appropriate, but then that's just my 'rose tinted' opinion. To my own end and continued development  I will continue to train with as many people as I can from as many different schools of thought as possible, because as a wise teacher once said 'Its just Pilates, move more and have fun' and perhaps the most poignant memory of my trip to  NYC will be of visiting the African Memorial where I found the symbol below....and yes I am having it tattooed for all to see. For me it say's it all.

Keep up the Pilates passion,
Suzy x



Reflection on Time...

Sometimes our past experiences catch up with us, sometimes they open up old wounds and sometimes they bring great joy, often times they leave us with more questions than answers. But the one thing thats guaranteed is that life's experiences will take us forward, willingly or kicking and screaming, time however, will not wait for us to gather our thoughts, to be ready or to fully prepare, it moves forward regardless....

I love August, its a month where work is quieter, London is easy to navigate, days are generally warmer and I have the time to be less structured in my day to day comings and goings. This Year I unexpectedly also got to meet up with a friend I hadn't seen in over 17 years. We had a coffee and in spite of some difficult previous history, it seemed like no time had passed, we were simply the friends we were before life got complicated, 90 minutes later and he was on the move again, heading back to his wife and daughter, a joy to see, a future I doubt he would have predicted 17 years ago. I was fearful of going back, but in doing so we both moved forward, a leap of faith ending in a happy encounter. I've also been struck this week by the number of parents waiting for their children's exam results and parents preparing to send their children off on their next adventures. Their emotion has been heartfelt and at times a little heart breaking to see but in the end I also see 'children' (and by that I mean all of us with parents still looking out for us however old we are) ready to take their next steps with a sense of adventure, courage and confidence capable of riding the unpredictable wave of experience that lies before them. So as I use the quieter time to organize the remaining years schedule I'm struck with how far I, and many around me have come. When it would have been easier to give up based on previous experiences the answer has been to open up more and allow ourselves to experience more, to express fears instead of pretending we are fearless, to express frustration instead of turning inwards and above all to learn to say No to things that are likely to have a negative impact on our lives, but more importantly to say Yes to opportunities, even when fear is trying its best to shoot us down before we have even started.
So to the scars and wounds of experience I salute you, you remind me of the battles and the hurdles to get to today, this moment, this time, for helping me discover a true love for Pilates, a passion for the generous learning and for all teachers I have encountered on my journey so far, and for the understanding that the only reason we attain knowledge is to share it, and to those teachers who think its theirs to hold onto, I wish you luck because its like a trying to create a Martini without the shaker, you might have all the ingredients but you will never know how to truly bring its potential together, and only truly unique teachers know when and how to shake, mix the add the olive.......as for me I'm off to practice my Martini roll down against the wall, is it possible? I dont know, am I having a lot of fun doing it and teaching it, yes. Sometimes the only way to make peace with the day is with laughter, there are endless reasons to cry...try instead to find the moments that make you laugh, you might just find that roll down possible after all....

Sometimes you just need a drink with your fruit!

Keep walking, rolling and cart wheeling the Pilates path,

With love,

Suzy

www.seraphinapilates.com

Backward rolls and sexy cats in Valencia....

Every now and then the stars align and send you somewhere they know you need to be. I'm awkward, I've never really fitted anyway 100%, I was a child that preferred her own company, I was never cool, a rotund, quiet and uncool presence, fitting in just wasn't on the agenda. I became a performer with a morbid fear of performing having been told at college that perhaps I should consider the plumbing course instead of the dance one. I soon discovered I enjoyed the process of movement, I loved rehearsing, exploring, playing, I loved double work and even being dropped from heights. I loved flying through space. I was strong but never flexible, on reflection dancing was never going to be an easy path but I just loved the emotional freedom movement gave me. I'm grateful for those years, in spite of the heartache and the legacy of poor body image, I met my two closest friends. That in itself ,makes it all worthwhile, not to mention meeting my husband  too!

Time out with my husband in Valencia after a day of Pilates!

And then two years ago on a trip to NYC, on advice from a fellow Pilates teacher I went to re:AB Pilates http://www.reabnyc.com/ I had a 1-1 session with +BrookeSiler , on  previous trips I had not had the courage to take class in NYC fearing I wasn't good enough and would just embarrass myself (even after 10 years of teaching Pilates), I had always felt lacking because of my lack of Studio apprenticeship training. I needn't have worried as the generous, fun and vivacious energy that Brooke gave me was all about discovering what I could do and leaving the negativity of ingrained over analysis and judgement at the door. I discovered that perhaps Teaser was possible in my body, I just had to change tactics and perspective. I left knowing my teaching would never be the same again but more importantly with a passion for Pilates re awakened in a way that blind sided me. I will be forever grateful for this brief encounter.

Two years on and randomly through Facebook I heard about the Classical Pilates Conference in Valencia http://www.valenciaclassicalpilates.com/  Now as I mentioned before I'm awkward in groups, nervous around people I don't know but Brooke was one of the presenters and this was too good an opportunity to miss, and so with my husband coming along as company (to keep me in Caipirinha's etc) I went to my first Pilates conference. And so it was I met the other presenters +KathiRoss-Nash and +PeterFiasca , along side Brooke these three teachers took us all through three days of Classical Pilates.
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Peter's energy is calm, clear and technical conveying a deep love and knowledge of Joseph Pilates legacy but nothing could have prepared me for the energetic, unstoppable whirlwind that is Kathi, she alone is a reason to take up drinking Vodka, regularly! (on the assumption that my Pilates would of course be improved) Session One had us being sexy cats and slutty cats and rolling down picking up imaginary martini's, that's it - Finally I found somewhere I fitted in as a teacher (if you have read the previous blog on dancing stegosauruses you will appreciate this epiphany) .We sweated, laughed, collided and grown men definitely cried through the Mat classes taught at the beginning and end of days, everyone left full of energy, vibrant and full of life, and surely that's the point, as Pilates teachers/students shouldn't we always leave workshops, seminars and lectures full of answers and even more questions that we can then use  to inspire our own clients? Instead of finding reasons to restrict, analyse and reign them in more, filling them with fear of their bodies and moving we should be freeing them up, after all, just because 1 in 3 of us likely to experience cancer in our lifetime doesn't mean we should treat everyone with the thought that they might already have it, surely?!

I left the conference with renewed energy, not withstanding various new aches and some new friends but also  a burning need to learn more and more and with the notion that perhaps one day I would actually be able to do a cartwheel, if not before my 40th birthday next month then at least in my 40th year...So as I approach my birthday I cant wait to start a studio apprenticeship in September, although equipment qualified I have never felt my training gave me the full understanding that an apprenticeship would allow me, much like learning choreograhy from Labanotation or video never compared to rehearsing in a studio. Up until now I never wanted to teach on equipment as I never felt it was fully in my bones and muscles, and so finally I'm taking the time to explore, play and inevitably fall of the Wunda chair, and because just maybe instead of being the shy insecure cat (my classes are never going to believe this description!) I might finally become a sexy one and maybe even become a better Pilates teacher in the process.

With sincere thanks to Brooke Siler, Kathi Ross-Nash, Peter Fiasca and Tony Balongo for an amazing event, roll on 2014!

Keep Cart wheeling everyone...

Suzy x

If you knew the plane was going to crash would you still get on it?....
Ok so I admit it, I'm being a little provocative here, the answer is of course No. The original question a friend actually asked me was, 'If you knew a plane had a 90% chance of crashing would you still get on it?'. Now things start to become a little more interesting after all you now have a 10% chance of arriving safely. Not liking my odds (or flying that much) I had to admit I would not get on, even if the Prosecco and peanuts were included as part of the in-flight service and Bradley Cooper was the Pilot!.

The whole discussion came about over the recent debate surrounding breast cancer and preemptive surgery http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/type/breast-cancer/about/risks/breast-cancer-genes Angelina Jolie brought news of her recent elected double mastectomy to the world table and with it an outpouring of both praise and criticism. I have read comments claiming that these procedures are nothing more than anti feminist actions aimed at disempowering women, I personally have never perceived my breasts as holding any particular super powers? I  have heard the very issue of genetics questioned with the same conspiracy fever that Area 51 followers exhibit. But in the end (Yes I'm proud to say I am actually a feminist who does shave their legs and wear high heels if anyone actually cares) it comes down to women and men having the right to know if they are at a higher risk of developing breast or Ovarian Cancer. I understand Melissa Etheridges very public statement (she is a breast cancer survivor herself) but to label preemptive surgery as 'a fearful choice'  is at best misguided and at worst dangerous. Ms jolie, and many like her will have taken time and consideration regarding such drastic surgery eventually deciding it was a 'proactive' alternative in trying to  ensure a greater chance of extending life. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?_r=0 I've lost many friends and clients to Cancer, each journey different, all painful.

In the end only the person can decide whats right for them, but everyone deserves the choice, sadly thats not yet currently the case, Perhaps then the world of celebrity can bring the weight of this issue to the public arena, if needs be in high heels and sequins but whichever way, lets not close the lid on the box now the discussion is out there. And so it is with Teaching, I'm always trying to guide people through possibilities so that in the end the client can decide what the right choices are in their lives. In this last month my beloved Elder cat died, I was hospitalized and underwent surgery, I ran a Pilates Holiday in Cyprus (2 weeks post Op) and lost a friend to Throat Cancer, he had been told in 1981 he would be dead of AIDS in 6 months, he didn't like his odds so he got the next plane out, it just happened to be 22 years later. Rene was inspiring, vibrant and grabbed hold of Life with the most amazing tenacity. We met as Volunteers for the Foodchain www.foodchain.org.uk around 1994, he taught me things about the Gay club scene that I never knew I needed to know, or will ever forget!, he thought me wearing high heels in the kitchen was fabulous and he taught me lunch without wine was simply not lunch.

In truth its been a tough month but perhaps thats the point, life keeps going. Mr Tomas (the cat) quietly crossed the bridge whilst I wasn't looking or worrying, René's heart did exactly the same thing sparing himself and those he loved the indignity of a tortured end. The wonderful people I met in Cyprus brought such positive energy to the Holiday how could I not feel a greater passion and for what I do? My classes and clients have been incredibly supportive watching me literally re-piece my body back together post surgery...Friends have driven me crazy, just enough to keep me sane. So I for one will be happy to wait for the next Plane out, fearful or not,  proactive or not, its all just a game of Odds, the most important thing it would seem is how you choose to play the game....

2 Weeks post Op, a lifetimes work in progress!

Keep up the practice and Love,

Suzy

www.seraphinapilates.com

Eyore's headstand and an appendix in withdrawal...

Moonwalk 2013

In all honesty I had thought my next post would be about the London Moonwalk 2013. Taking part last weekend with 17,000 women and men was as expected an inspiring event to be part of and besides which Mum and I raised over £900 for charities supporting those affected by breast cancer, both my grandmothers have had mastectomies and one still lives with the disease, I have heard countless arguments suggesting that Breast cancer gets a disproportionate amount of funding and attention, I have heard arguments against the pink ribbon and its prettifying of a brutal, cruel disease. I've heard women prepared to have their scars photographed vilified and criticised. My answer to all this to participate in a walk and support however I can because until those who criticise walk in someone else's shoes quite honestly their judgement falls on deaf ears.

After the walk I was unusually shattered, I'm pretty resilient but I couldn't shake off a feeling of unwellness, Monday and Tuesday were both normal days, I took part in advanced studio classes but after teaching Tuesday evening I knew something was wrong...so off I trotted to St Charles Urgent care doctor, who kindly reassured me but sent me on St Mary's Hospital, Paddington. The odd thing about this whole process was it never really occurred I would be admitted (I drove after all), I suspected my appendix was unhappy but assumed anti biotics would be given, 4am Wednesday morning I was sat on a ward desperately trying to borrow a blackberry charger (nurse Sally I am indebted to you) and so the most surreal 24 hours unfolded, animals at home alone, a car needing to be moved before 8.30am, thankfully taken care of by mum and dad in the middle of the night and early hours. I was told that in spite of my apparent health and excellent blood results (that always confuses surgeons as vegans are meant to always be ill and deficient) within 48 hours I would be significantly less well. After X-rays, an ultra scan and endless prodding, bloods, cannula's (I hate blood being taken) and more importantly no tea I was added to the list for Surgery.

Now Tea is pivotal here as I'm hyper sensitive to it and although I don't drink that much If I don't have it, after 8 hours I hit serious withdrawal, by the time my lovely friend Amanda arrived at 7pm wed evening I still hadn't gone in for surgery and I had a banging migraine, was sweating and vomiting. The appendix discomfort was nothing compared to hitting an impromptu rehab scenario, Tetley's you have a lot to answer for! I even remember asking the anaesthetist for a caffeine drip instead of Tramadol, he sympathised, laughed and sent me into a scene of Pooh bear and Eyore doing a hand stand, I remember drifting and wondering if I'd ever do corkscrew again.....

I hate needles!

I woke up convinced I was in a Stephen King novel, and it appeared that the Tramadol I had turned down was for the diaphragm spasms that no one had warned me about, lasting on and off for 24 hours!....come back appendix all is forgiven, I have never breathed that deeply or laterally, EVER! at that point I realise my abdominals appear to have been removed during surgery....that was not expected, I'm pulling in and literally nothing is happening. Keep calm and keep focused my calm voice tells me, F***, F***, F***! my other voice is screaming. The warm glass of water someone offered me in recovery was the greatest thing I have ever drunk as was my first cup of tea!. 8 hours later I have been sent home. In the meantime my husband flew back from Portugal to help out (a great sign of friendship given our current situation), as everyone who knows me will appreciate I do not like accepting help, I'm strong, independent and stubborn however, there is something very humbling about not being able to walk up and down a flight of stairs, lift a kettle or get up from lying down (I told you they had removed my abs, roll ups are but a dream)

So really this blog is a thank you to the amazing staff at St Marys, most of whom my path crossed for only a few moments but whom work tirelessly within the NHS to ensure people whose lives are suddenly upturned feel safe, protected and listened to. This institution should be outside of Politics, its something that Britons should be extremely proud of and protect at all costs. I saw people working with reduced resources, working past their shifts and showing dedication far beyond their duty. To those who took time out to send well wishes they meant more than you realise, to those friends who asked for updates at any hour you cannot imagine how this helped keep my nerves down and raised a smile or two in the darkness, to Amanda, Georgina and of course the charming +BenCullinger who continues to answer my ongoing questions with quiet humour and will shortly I'm sure make the most wonderful doctor, I am convinced, thank you.

As for me 3 days on I'm moving more each day, back to teaching with just my voice from tomorrow...I've loved the messages assuming I'm going to be easier in class just because my own abs are on sabbatical...like that's going to happen, reread the stubborn paragraph above....I'm back on full strength tea so now so anything really is possible....

Much love all,
Suzy x

Warning...this blog may make you sweat!

So I've just come back from running my first Pilates Retreat of the year in Italy. The group was a fab mix of people who have known me for years and friends and family of aforementioned participants. so this is where it always gets interesting for me when I meet new people, people invariably start with the line ' I've heard all about you, I've heard your tough...scary...relentless....picky' but by far  the best comment I have heard this year whilst discussing someone's previous Pilates experience was 'I dont like strength work, its too hard' so now I'm intrigued, how exactly had this person been able to get away with regular Pilates sessions without doing any strength work?!

A medieval stair master!

I appreciate the sentiment, in truth I would like to spend endless hours doing long, deep stretches, its what my part feline DNA craves but in truth that would get me nowhere, as my teacher brain reminds myself regularly. So why are some teachers still providing clients with what they want and not what they need? Sadly I see this time and time again, particularly where clients are older, teachers look at the age of the client and not the body and health of the client. Is there some magic line we cross from 49 into 50, 59 into 60 or 69 into 70? If there is I've yet to identify it and as such I teach to make people stronger- regardless of age. In all honesty  I'm not there to let them just exercise their jaws (though of course we do that too!)

As a consequence the client who didn't like strength work but who rose to the challenge and pushed herself to try did fantastically well over the 3 days, and yes, she sweated and yes her muscles ached the following day but as I reminded her the last time she had been aware of them was probably 40 years earlier giving birth! I often have people say to me 'just so your aware, I'm sweating' like its something they should be suspicious of or concerned about. I reassure them its just a sign of hard work and effort, I do concede that  I do have to be prompted to put the air conditioning on as my Gecko blood does not register heat and classes can become very 'Bikram' without me realizing it, but my guys know this and usually prompt me straight after Criss cross!

So we had a great time working hard, walking up endless steps, drinking Prosecco (to recover from the steps) and in my case riding horses daily, and yes I did ache and my ability to do a roll end seemed to evacuate my body with the speed of an Arab Stallion on too many oats, but thats the point of the Retreat, which is actually a Holiday pretending to be meaningful. We all put ourselves out of our comfort zones and all came back stronger, healthier and in the case of one of my girls able to fit back into her favorite skirt despite eating breakfast everyday. Perhaps the sweating was useful after all?!....but just to be sure I'm heading to Cyprus next month to teach my next Pilates Holiday, after all, better to be sure.

Mid back, inner thighs and definitely sit bones, oh and a very happy Me!

Have a great weekend all....

Suzy x

www.seraphinapilates.com

https://www.facebook.com/seraphina.pilates.retreats