Desperately seeking instability....

I have a confession. I really cant bear feeling stable, I'm not good with rules, boundaries or prescriptive thinking. I hate being told what I should be feeling or where I should be going. It wasn't always like this, as a child I rarely broke rank, choosing to be compliant over attention seeking. I accepted bad things happened and took control of every aspect of my life I could. I found solitude and quiet in the rules and structure of dance, Ballet mainly but Tap and Jazz too, Contemporary dance was where I first discovered the power of positive physical contact, Release technique would set me on a path to improvisation where the moment and choices you made in them were instantaneous, if you tried to control the dance or predict its outcome the flow would be gone and so too the moment of magic that dancers search so passionately for even after the music has long fallen silent.

So where does that leave a Pilates teacher who feels in her heart that it is movement ; unpredictable, scary, joyous, playful and non risk assessed movement that teaches better co ordination, balance and  flow and thus builds greater strength and flexibility in not only our bodies but also our minds. Becoming pedestrian in our thinking limits us, understanding why we adhere to certain patterns, guidelines, scripts etc is essential but only as a tool to develop our own understanding and perception. When we accept something without question we cannot deepen our own practice or knowledge. In a community full of wonderful History, teachers and practitioners I find myself even more of a Gypsy than ever. I love to learn about Mr Pilates, but I also love to learn about what Romana thought as well as what she taught. Having just spent some time learning with Blossom Leilani Crawford it was wonderful to learn a little more about her time with Kathy Grant as well as her own take on the work. Over the years, meeting teachers influenced by Ron Fletcher, Eve Gentry, Carola Trier has served to open my eyes to the wonder of the Pilates world I'm fortunate enough to be part of not dilute it.  Mary Bowen once described me as an enigma...I'm sure even Mr Jung would have got exasperated with me but actually I quite like being :

 'a person of puzzling or contradictory character' 

I spent too long accepting what I was told just because people had experience, rank, confidence greater than mine. And so whilst finding moments of stability in our lives will always be healthy, albeit in Pilates or just in day to day life. I choose to reclaim the Fame Sweatshirt of my youth, enjoy the memories of white denim, converse sneakers and Prince....because quite honestly its time to just dance in the Purple Rain and not give a F**K what the lyrics actually mean. I think i might leave that particular analysis to the grown ups who don't believe they are Tinkerbell on their days off. And for those who fear I'm not able to move on from the past, I've more than moved on I've learnt from it too, I can only hope it makes me a better teacher and a better person, one  finally prepared to dance in the rain even with the risk of slipping, I'm confident the Pilates training will keep me on my feet come what may.

Have a wonderful weekend all!Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Wild women do....

'Wild women do. And they don't regret it.' 

It took me a long time to understand these seemingly irreverent lyrics sang by Natalie Cole in 1990, I was 17, full of fear and about to discover the world did not revolve around my adolescent dramas. I would become fiercely independent, never be seen to cry, never look back, being wild I determined would be for other girls.

Over this past month I've been fortunate to cross paths with some more extraordinary women all navigating the trials and tribulations of running small businesses. So this blog is dedicated to them because in each of their they're unique ways they represent the potential in each of us even when we sometimes fail to see it in ourselves. 

Women who start up their own businesses are always passionate and usually a little crazy in my experience. Why else would we work the never enough hours, talk the talk to anyone who will listen and keep going with so little funding, affordable childcare (OK, in my case dog and cat care), accessible professional development and often simple support at home. Those of us blessed with friends or parents there when we simply couldn't fit anything else in, offering encouragement, walking the dog or picking up the dry cleaning, will probably never know how much they've helped keep us afloat when drowning seemed inevitable. We often come to owning these businesses  more by default than by design. An initial passion, an interest, an illness or other life changing event , in some cases all of the above can often be the beginning of careers that others couldn't even begin to contemplate. Sometimes the path simply picks you and not the other way round. Some women understandably choose to listen to the fears, doubts and obstacles in their heads and walk away from opportunities and challenges , others just turn wild and never look back.

Sometimes realizing you've gone wild and possibly a bit feral can be a bit unnerving and so it was a delight to meet Gloria, Lara and Toral recently at Be:Fit. I'm not suggesting any of these women are remotely wild or feral like me, but passionate about what they do?... most definitely.

Firstly Toral, owner of www.theurbankitchen.co.uk whose passion and interest in keeping ridiculously busy people healthy and energized with fresh, home cooked food (literally) was infectious, and fabulous to meet her wonderful mum too. The lovely Lara whose designs at http://gymluxe.com/ just make you wish you had half her creative talent, more importantly however the clothes are awesome to workout in, a case of style and substance. For the first time my clients are realizing I actually have legs (I'm usually a strictly baggy sweat pants kind of girl) even my teacher is seeing them in a whole new light, who knew I could actually turn out my legs that much and who knew they were that long! 

The charming Gloria at http://www.rockondivas.com/ is changing the lives of women after Cancer one workshop, spa day, retreat at a time proving that recovery can be a time for appreciating just how extraordinary the body is at healing given just a little positive support, guidance and love. So the truth is these women inspire me to remain wild, challenging and unpredictable in my future adventures and if people want to talk about risk assessment, concept strategies or discuss focus groups I think I might just take my newly unleashed mesh covered thighs and skip merrily along, maybe even singing as I go.....

Wild women do and they don't regret it
Wild women show what they're goin' through
Wild women do what you think they'll never
What you only dream about wild women do

It seems when you love what you do and have an unstoppable passion for it, running a business is a lot like being in love. Unpredictable, compelling, complicated, never guaranteed to last and exhausting but always rewarding in ways you never expect and never regret. Well at least it is for the wild ones who aren't 17 any more.

Loving GymLuxe even when I have passed out after teaching!

Pilates love to All....

Suzy x

www.seraphinapilates.com

I'm a Mosquito....

“If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.”

― Anita Roddick

Did you ever truly consider the impact Pilates has on our lives? If your'e a teacher, not only on your life but those of your students and clients?. If your the student or client then the impact on your teachers life?
I exhibited last weekend at a women's fitness exhibition, I was there to promote my Pilates Retreats, but, as those who know me best know, I'm not big on self promotion, however, there I was, the only Pilates Exhibitor on site in a sea of 12.000 (mainly) women and the odd very fit man.

Over the three days and having spoken to almost 400 people, myself, my mum and a friend explained, discussed and guided people through their Pilates questions and learnt about just where Pilates figured into their lives. Interestingly only one person asked me who I trained with, some wanted to know how to find a teacher, some were surprised to know the System was named after a 'Real' man. For the most part however Pilates was and is having the most extraordinary impact on their lives. Many are doing what is described as Pre Pilates, Clinical or Fitness Pilates, very few were doing Studio Pilates with access to the full system yet most were happy and feeling the benefits in ways they had not only hoped but also in ways they hadn't expected.

And so when I consider the ripple effect of one man's vision I'm left slightly in awe of what Pilates teachers far and wide are currently achieving, both in classes and the studio. In reality we can work as hard as we want but if a client doesn't pick up the baton and run with it then true change doesn't occur. The magic for me is that clearly the baton of physical and mental empowerment is being handed beautifully from teacher to client but also from client back to teacher. Quite simply the more we inspire the more inspired we should become better teachers. So it occurs to me that just as there is room for all skill levels and abilities in the clients we teach there is room for all types of teachers. The most important thing is that the right client finds the right teacher, fall's in Love with the Pilates Method and never looks back.

As for the exhibition, it saddened me that Pilates was not represented at an event that was about women, health and fitness. With so many Pilates training providers with much bigger marketing budgets than me (i.e they have one!) I was sorry not to see one there helping share the Method I'm so passionate about. And so I decided to be a Mosquito in a sea of 'Power plate', 'Extreme Body Sculpt' and 'Super Modal workouts' Needless to say my Retreat promotion was somewhat side tracked. I did however get to meet some amazing people all busy being Mosquito's in their own rights including http://www.theurbankitchen.co.uk/, http://gymluxe.com/ and http://www.rockondivas.com/ and was even gifted some fabulous gloves and toe socks by http://www.gaiam.com/ .More on these guys later as they deserve a blog all of their own for being such amazing people to know.

In the meantime I'd better get on with promoting my Pilates Retreats, http://www.seraphinapilates.com/pilatesbreaks.html, possibly using sign language since I've lost the ability to speak after talking so much, alternatively I might leave it to my administrator since she can always find something more to say, not to mention a fit man to say it to!

Happy Pilates Weekend All!

Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

When Love hurts

“You become what you think about all day long.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the about quote is true, I'm in trouble.
I don't know when it happened, it started of as a casual acquaintance, something that took up my time infrequently and without that much thought. It was something that belonged alongside all the other things that filled my day, It was OK but nothing special. And then we went our separate ways, Life got in the way and there were others that would burn a flame with far more commitment and passion than me. A brief and playful dalliance was over.

A long, long time ago dancing in 'Peter's Hands' with Magpie Dance Company. Peter is the dancer in the picture, he choreographed the entire duet inspite of his severe learning disability, it was always a joy to dance.

My long term love has always been the theater, an empty one, preferably, with its ghosts and stories, where magical, fleeting moments, never to be repeated are played out six days a week. The rewards of Performing were always secondary to the feeling of belonging I had in an empty rehearsal space or theater, once my performing career had ended, I had assumed my destiny would remain tied to a twilight world where the hushed expectations of an audience would provide a creative soul with a reason to continue existing.
To this day I'm not quite sure when or why the transition out of the rehearsal space and into the gym happened, I was offered a job if I trained as a personal trainer so I took it. My love of theater wouldn't pay the bills and I had a mortgage and bill's so I walked away from something I loved into something I loathed.

I should explain, I loved working with clients but as someone who cant bear gyms and the 'No pain, no gain' culture that was so strong at the time, I just didn't fit. I certainly wasn't about to start drinking protein shakes and develop a sudden passion for competitive BMI statistics. And so, inevitably, I was fired, well that's what you get for not sleeping with the boss and doing too much Pilates, what had been a brief encounter in a previous dancing life was drawing me back in, my previous dalliance was soon to become a full blown relationship but it would come at a price.

And so here I am, I've taught Pilates for 12 years, 7 days a week for the first 9 years, 6 days a week for the last 3. I love what I do but the price has been high. Unlike the six days a week I worked in theater where you always had a theatrical family around you, I've worked alone and independently for the length of my Pilates career, no colleagues and few friends. Constant early starts and late nights throughout the week play havoc with a social life until you realize you no longer have one. And so I've realized if my love affair with the Pilates method is to endure then things have to change, in part I think that's why I returned to retrain, I needed to be with others in a shared space, somewhere I could be supported as well as support. I needed a studio to provide the security that an empty stage or rehearsal space had once done, I am eternally grateful to have found one, even if I do still love it best with no one in it. The baby steps I'm taking are clumsy, I'm awkward around noise, struggle painfully with social occasions and am still petrified (literally) of meeting new people unless its during work. But much like my clients I'm a work in progress and as much as the love and passion I have for Pilates evolves I've learnt it can easily take too much from you if you allow it to, I'm forever grateful that the early dalliance became a life long adventure, it will however not be allowed to hurt who I become but merely be a beautiful part of the whole current madness that is my life....once I get one that is!

Love and adventures,
Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Feel free to defriend me....

When you 'Like' me what does that mean? when you 'follow' me or become my friend? I'm seriously starting to wander. Several years ago I came off Facebook because I was being bullied by someone close enough to hurt. My confidence, already low, couldn't take the hit so I removed myself from public view. My classes were full, so, I reasoned, I didn't need social media in my life, very few of my friends were on it so why bother? In truth however, once I started running my Pilates Retreats I realized I needed a place to interact with those who didn't know me, researching every aspect of our lives online has become a standard thing in daily life, whether its looking for cheap flights or reading the latest Gossip on Mr Clooney.

Returning to Facebook has given me access to people, teachers and organisations  I may never have heard about, for every petition I sign in total despair there are stories of life's hero's that remind me that there are good people doing extraordinary things daily in this world. However, having just spent the afternoon at the Shelter, my usual shift with the dogs reminded me just how much humans complicate a life that should be much simpler. As I walked and played with the rejected and unwanted dogs, the bereaved companions left behind and the unwanted litters of  puppies I thought how much time people waste being hurtful, spiteful or just plain cruel. Each week I interact with dogs with every right to be aggressive, reactive or vengeful I am always struck by how, for the most part  I am met with hope, warmth and often too much love no matter what fate had delivered.

So for those who wish to use social media as a way to thread bullying, to imply, suggest or generate gossip, lies or mistrust please do me the favor of defriending, unliking and unfollowing me immediately because quite frankly your presence in my life is a pain in the Arse. This includes those of you who direct it at my colleagues, my friends and my family. I don't let many people into my life, I'm fiercely guarded, but those I do I will protect, privately, publicly and usually very loudly. You see some of us who have been abused, hurt and bullied do not use it as an excuse to abuse, bully or  hurt. As my mother always said 'words are like nails that have been hammered in, even if you pull the nails out they still leave a mark, so be careful with the ones you use'

So if you're reading this I hope your a friend and I hope we continue to inspire and learn from each other, and to those with nothing more than venom in their words I say this ; the fat little girl, you know the one, the hearing impaired child who couldn't read until eight, constantly plagued by unsightly cold-sore outbreaks caused by anxiety, the one who chose to be a survivor and not a victim when some trusted adults failed her, the one who was told repeatedly by teachers that she just wasn't good enough no matter how hard she tried. Well, that child would like to thank you for the training because she's had a lifetime of listening to you and quite frankly she's finally graduated from ever having to listen to your Bullshit rhetoric again. She's done Ok and she's still going. Does this mean I wont shed tears when my confidence is crashing? I doubt it, but it wont be hateful voices keeping me there, it will however be the friends and family kicking me back into positive gear whether its though the magic of others posts, tweets, messages or good old fashioned Martinis putting the worlds to rights!

Me, aged 7

Have a wonderful weekend all!
Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Don't tell Mama.....

“You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don't.”

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

So I've done it, I've survived my final Classical Pilates training weekend and a class with +KathrynRossNash as a last minute bonus. I have Advanced exercises, The 100's (repeated and repeated) and Limoncello still swimming around my head and now the fun begins threading it all together (perhaps easier without the Limoncello). Something occurred to me however, as I got chatting to some other participants taking Kathi's class, we were all from different schools of training, different backgrounds and all in different places in our teaching lives. I heard positive stories of training and less positive ones. I've been incredibly lucky in my own retraining (with http://www.pilatesnation.co.uk/ ) as there has only ever been support and encouragement. The bar has been set high and I have a lot of work ahead of me but the emphasis has been on learning, understanding, linking and doing, it has also meant making mistakes and acknowledging what I learnt from it, without fear and without judgement.

And so it frustrates, though doesn't surprise me to learn that others haven't been supported on their Pilates journeys by the very Pilates 'family', 'community' or  'school' they become part of when taking on the study and legacy of Joseph Pilates. But then the idea of family is a complex one, some are blessed to be close to parents, siblings, extended families etc, some of us have realized that DNA does not a happy connection guarantee and that sometimes the healthier thing to do is walk away. Some of us have had friends behave more compassionately, more honestly and more loyally than those supposedly charged with the role of caring for us unconditionally. Sometimes its our friends we have regarded as family that have hurt us the most.

In truth everything we love comes with conditions, an assumption of respect, understanding and patience, an expectation of honesty (even if it hurts), support (even when we think we don't want it) and occasionally intervention (or your Administrator, i.e my Mum insisting you take a break WITHOUT Pilates). So, are we a global Pilates family?, I like to think so, and yes that means we wont all get along or want to sit next to each other for 'Family time' or meet at 'Family gatherings' or even spend time at conferences together but I truly believe we can learn to respect the Pilates DNA that pulses so passionately through all our veins, after all  its passion for the work that got us all where we are now. And so I look forward to more family time, not easy for a confirmed little black sheep that never expected to fit in anywhere and I might even take a break to NJ in May....Just don't tell Mama I'm doing Pilates.......


Have a great week all....Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Shhhhhhh.Dont tell Mama!

Reserving Judgements.....

“Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

It has been a whirlwind 5 months since I started my Classical bridging course with http://www.pilatesnation.co.uk/ .Did I expect the long hours, frustrated practice and shear exhaustion?, yes. Did I expect to be inspired by some rare individuals on the way, in truth it hadn't really occurred to be to think about it. Life has a habit of running away with me, carrying me along and rarely looking back. That said I'm often struck by both  the beauty and ugliness of human beings in often disproportionate balance, i get disillusioned with humanity frequently, and then the curve ball, the moment you realise what you do and why you do it is about so much more than where the hands or feet are supposed to be placed. The fact is sometimes I've barely been able to crawl through life, let alone stand on either my feet or hands.

And so this blog is a thank you, to the fellow trainees I'm training along side. I'm in awe as I watch them learning, questioning and wading their way through into becoming the extraordinary teachers they are growing into. It is my hope that through humor, study and play that we will continue to learn alongside each other, no matter what they assume I know through my previous years of teaching, In truth I haven't actually taken the learner plates off yet.

The other unexpected and truly joyous part of the training has been helping some other amazing individuals as they take their final exams, and by help I simply mean by being a body, encouraging exploration and ultimately calming nerves I hope. As we meander through the maze of exercises, bodies and any number of possible configurations of mind, body connections together. I realise that this work really is a Sanctuary for many of us (you know who are for describing it so eloquently), its a space where we can have fun, heal wounds, learn to let go and learn just how strong we are. So the more I read and hear angry, bitter and quite honestly rude comments from those working in the very community I love and respect, the less I think these people have actually got the work and everything Pilates has to offer. Its not that I'm against debate or passionate opinion but truthfully how many of us got it all right from the beginning?, how many of us haven't  made errors in judgement? or simply had to made decisions based on paying our mortgage (and yes that means selling out on your principles at times) So as I continue through to my final weekend of training and into the real learning phase. I hope I continue to reserve my judgement's and continue to respect the paths of others. And in the meantime I look forward to my Monday duet with a friend, teacher and new found Pilates partner in crime, a woman that is extending her body, mind and spirit into the most inspiring places, even if she doesn't see it, both in life and Pilates, and in the meantime should she need a hand to steady her along the way I will always be just within reaching distance. After all if we cant support each others journeys when the road gets a little unsteady and downright treacherous at times  then whats the point?

Sometimes all you can do is reflect and keep moving forward....

Have a beautiful week all,

Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com