Reserving Judgements.....

“Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

It has been a whirlwind 5 months since I started my Classical bridging course with http://www.pilatesnation.co.uk/ .Did I expect the long hours, frustrated practice and shear exhaustion?, yes. Did I expect to be inspired by some rare individuals on the way, in truth it hadn't really occurred to be to think about it. Life has a habit of running away with me, carrying me along and rarely looking back. That said I'm often struck by both  the beauty and ugliness of human beings in often disproportionate balance, i get disillusioned with humanity frequently, and then the curve ball, the moment you realise what you do and why you do it is about so much more than where the hands or feet are supposed to be placed. The fact is sometimes I've barely been able to crawl through life, let alone stand on either my feet or hands.

And so this blog is a thank you, to the fellow trainees I'm training along side. I'm in awe as I watch them learning, questioning and wading their way through into becoming the extraordinary teachers they are growing into. It is my hope that through humor, study and play that we will continue to learn alongside each other, no matter what they assume I know through my previous years of teaching, In truth I haven't actually taken the learner plates off yet.

The other unexpected and truly joyous part of the training has been helping some other amazing individuals as they take their final exams, and by help I simply mean by being a body, encouraging exploration and ultimately calming nerves I hope. As we meander through the maze of exercises, bodies and any number of possible configurations of mind, body connections together. I realise that this work really is a Sanctuary for many of us (you know who are for describing it so eloquently), its a space where we can have fun, heal wounds, learn to let go and learn just how strong we are. So the more I read and hear angry, bitter and quite honestly rude comments from those working in the very community I love and respect, the less I think these people have actually got the work and everything Pilates has to offer. Its not that I'm against debate or passionate opinion but truthfully how many of us got it all right from the beginning?, how many of us haven't  made errors in judgement? or simply had to made decisions based on paying our mortgage (and yes that means selling out on your principles at times) So as I continue through to my final weekend of training and into the real learning phase. I hope I continue to reserve my judgement's and continue to respect the paths of others. And in the meantime I look forward to my Monday duet with a friend, teacher and new found Pilates partner in crime, a woman that is extending her body, mind and spirit into the most inspiring places, even if she doesn't see it, both in life and Pilates, and in the meantime should she need a hand to steady her along the way I will always be just within reaching distance. After all if we cant support each others journeys when the road gets a little unsteady and downright treacherous at times  then whats the point?

Sometimes all you can do is reflect and keep moving forward....

Have a beautiful week all,

Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

We are just star stuff....

“The Cosmos is all that is or was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplation's of the Cosmos stir us -- there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries.” 
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos

Every now and then as a Pilates teacher I am stopped in my tracks by someone, sometimes a friend, a client or someone I teach but more often than not by a stranger. This past week I've been struck by the suicide of a young girl I didn't even know, I've watched via social media as a young woman has had beautiful tributes paid which I suspect she would barely have recognized as even possible had she lived to read them. There is no age to die, but 19 is too young to believe something as precious as life is not worth living. In the same week I was contacted by someone equally distressed and needing help, her last hope being Pilates. It's at these moments I realize sometimes people just find me for whatever reason and that sometimes even a voice in the dark can provide a vague glimmer of hope.

There are no training courses for these scenarios, no codes of conduct or manifestos that will ever dictate how one should be in those moments, we just have to trust that the universe has put us there for a purpose and do our best to navigate the sometimes unsteady path. After all how does someone know their limits or set their boundaries until they've found themselves pushed painfully hard up against them? I'm reminded of my own darker times, of standing on underground platforms close enough to the edge to make others feel uncomfortable, thinking to myself that one more step would bring peace and silence to deafening sorrow whilst disregarding the endless noise and pain it might leave behind. I've sat up with friends providing suicide watch to hearts too broken to allow their lungs to breathe. I've taught on a  Psychiatric ward when a client tried to end her life (I was one of two people she would allow to know) When she survived, her priorities were cigarettes, chocolate Brazil nuts and Pilates- In that order. These responsibilities are huge but when you've stepped back from the edge and chosen life yourself then I believe you also choose to try and help others value theirs.

I've recently found myself  helping old clients find better Pilates, clients who have moved away and become disillusioned with the quality of teaching they are finding and frustrated by the lack of interest in Pilates some of these teachers demonstrate. And whilst there are some truly amazing teachers in the furthest reaches of the UK and beyond, a small town should not lead to a small attitude in a subject as broad and interesting as Pilates. With that in mind I set myself a challenge, to finally start meeting in person the 'strangers' that have been inspiring me starting next month in Leeds! And that's the point, social media and technology shouldn't mean increasing isolation and separation of ideas and emotions within society, it should be used to broaden our friendships, experiences and knowledge, in every aspect of our lives. So as a new week starts, listen out for the stranger at the petrol station that tells you you have pretty eyes, reread the words someone wrote about how much your teaching means to them and if it doesn't sink in read it again, pay attention to the voice on the end of the phone that just sighed with relief simply because you gave them options. In spite of the long days, the emotional challenges always remember we really are the lucky ones after all as Confucius said when you 'choose a job you love, you will never have to work a day in your life' 
So whatever the week ahead brings I'm thankful for the challenge and the people I meet and I'm grateful that I stepped back from the edge all those years ago deciding to ride the train instead, after all when all's said and done 'we are all just star stuff' and here to shine a path for each other through even the darkest nights, and to those already journeying through the night sky I wish you peace.
with love,
..
Suzy

www.seraphinapilates.com

2013 is almost done....on the one hand its been the most amazing year, on the other hand that darn learning curve took itself off it's own graph and was last seen heading towards Saturn. As a general rule I'm an optimist, a half glass kinda girl and steadfastly remain so but I don't always learn quickly and I don't like letting go or giving up, so sometimes I hang on to the edge of the raft even when I can clearly see the very miffed Tiger sitting in the dingy opposite me.So as I stare out of the raft and back at this year it's been about travel, meeting new people, friendship, love, revising past chapters in my story so far and final curtain calls.

And so after a busy beginning to the year for Easter this year I learnt more about Islam in Morocco than I ever expected, and from a Muslim man. I gained a level of respect for a culture that in truth I knew very little about, this beautiful country with its warm people and colorful women reminded me nothing beats an open mind or an open heart where education is concerned. From there in May I found myself back in Italy for our first Pilates Retreat of the Year. I love teaching in Casperia, enough said. The following week my life was being saved at St Mary's Hospital, London, when a rather frustrated Appendix decided enough was enough. The NHS is a true gift, however flawed, I will always be grateful for the scars I have left, of course I don't mind them, they remind me several people saved my life one average Tuesday night after teaching,  Too busy to notice I was really quite sick.

2 weeks later its June and I was back teaching in Cyprus, scars barely healed but able to complete the Full Mat work albeit gently, that's the true gift of Mr Pilates work, if the exercises are in your body, your body will use them to heal you when you most need them to. July was a conference in Valencia, run by the too fabulous +TonyBalongo http://www.valenciaclassicalpilates.com/ Whilst there I got to see the ever lovely +BrookeSiler again but also got to meet someone who would inspire just a little gift of hope in me on those days when it all gets a bit over whelming and scary out there in Pilates land, +KathiRossNash exudes an energy and passion for Pilates which is truly infectious, she also makes me smile, and I love her for it.

In August I turned 40 in NYC and did ballet barre classes like no Ballet classes I've ever experienced before, I'm not sure I ever want to meet those muscles again in my lifetime, I met +CareyRegan http://www.reabnyc.com/instructors_Bio.asp?ID=51318377 who simply told me to spread my wings and let go, whilst talking to my mother about her cat.

September was back to teaching Retreats in Cyprus and finally returning to Casperia where I have never laughed so much, ever, being locked out at midnight during a storm being a truly memorable moment. Nothing like being in a scene from Ab Fab and realizing its a scene from your actual life. I also started my Classical training with +AlisonGoodman at http://www.pilatesnation.co.uk/ .In truth my brain is fried with all the extra learning I'm trying to absorb but then I just hear Carey's and Kathi's words and I beat those wings a little harder and hope I dont land too hard on my tush. And finally in November I found myself in Florence two days after my divorce was finalized, How is it such a perfect, beautiful City seemed so vast, overwhelming and frightening, thank goodness for =DeborahLessen and +FrancescaBertoni at http://www.bodybalancestudio.it/pilates.html and Prosecco!

And already its December, This year I've continued to be a volunteer with The Mayhew Animal Home and cried too many tears over our ridiculous Breed specific legislation. I've restored a company (no idea how I managed that) I've finally got my way after three years of legal dullness when a Barrister, and I quote, finally gave in just to get rid of the 'annoying little girl'. And I ended a marriage, knowing your doing the right thing doesn't always make it pain free or less exhausting. My eldest cat died suddenly one spring night, my youngest dog just had his knee reconstructed and is currently the reincarnation of Tigger when he is supposed to be rehabilitating steadily, my Grandmother developed Bone Cancer and still got herself to Brighton for Christmas at The Grand Hotel, that learning curve was last seen heading towards a Galaxy far, far, away. I've had a year of friends caring and not caring, I've had fabulous clients reminding me of just what it is I'm destined to do. I've had Sleep restored by thoughts of Unicorns and girlfriends there to remind me its not a rehearsal, I've also had a mother telling me to eat. But that's it, as this year draws to an end I'm reminded that every mistake, misunderstanding, memory (good and bad), and magical moment were exactly as they were meant to be, perhaps more profoundly, when I couldn't decide between an Angel, Pegasus or Unicorn for my next Tattoo someone unwittingly made the decision for me. Well after all, 'Life is too important to be taken seriously' Mr Wilde, you are so right.

Happy New Year to All that are walking the walk and spreading those wings,

Suzy x

A man called Toto....

Its an underpass, covered in Graffiti, the kind found in a lot of Italy, bold, aggressive. A little look closer however, and you realise its actually artwork, images and words I'm sure the local community understand much better than me, that said I'm uneasy in this rabbit warren but somethings different, I can hear opera, loud, glorious, unapologetic and compelling, I can also smell incense. Its then I'm introduced to Toto, he's a man that's lived several lives in one, he is homeless, I'm not sure if he lives in the underpass but he directs the ambiance, the hustle and the bustle with the elegance of a concert pianist. He makes an area you would normally rush to get through an oasis in the blindness of day to day routine. He hands me some incense, a gift from a stranger to a stranger and I am deeply humbled and feeling just a little foolish in Florence.

So here I am in a city I once visited 20 years ago, I've barely breathed since my divorce came through. I hate flying, I'm anxious in groups of people I don't know, I don't know where I'm staying or how to get there and I'm not sure I want to spend two days thinking about Pilates, and then I meet Toto and everything finds its place. I'm here to study with +DeborahLessen courtesy of  +FrencescaBertoni of https://www.facebook.com/www.bodybalancestudio.it . I'm the only participant from the UK, everyone else is Italian or Dutch. Deborah is here post knee surgery and amazingly sharp and generous given the jet lag she must have been feeling and the challenges of a recovering knee. I'm staying in a B&B which is actually a delightful couples house where they let rooms, no hotel anonymity for me, just a delightful rotund cat and a toy poodle living in fear of her. Its a strange thing taking yourself out of your comfort zone, forgetting that others will find my being vegan odd and simply say so. Cue the Prosecco and a tantrum when the waiter serves it in a sherry glass, 'Please bring me a grown up glass' I heard myself say (I'm a little stressed!). Francesca is a delight and a truly passionate Pilates soul with a beautiful studio, generous spirit and could not have made things easier for me and those attending, although I have to say moving equipment via a horse box (straw included) was a unique, magical and somewhat surreal moment.

After two days taking in the wisdom of Deborah http://www.deborahlessenpilates.com/green_street.php and learning albeit with creative hand signalling from the other participants I spent a third day just walking through a magical city, taking in its beauty, its warmth and its elegance. I'd survived taking myself out of my comfort zone, no harm done. I met new people, collided head on with other cultures (yes I can really help lift a reformer), I drank Prosecco in grown up glasses and waited 45 minutes for a bath to fill (who knew the art of learning patience was in the bubbles all along), I learnt I could fly alone without the Captain having to divert the plane due to passenger hysteria. I learnt that being a vegan is confusing to some, And?! but most of all I learnt that a man called Toto was the lesson I was really meant to take, that in the places that often fill you with fear, where there are so many exits you don't know which one to take, where sometimes you have to go underneath where you are comfortable and feel safe to cross to the other side, that all you have to do is stop and listen. Because music to lift your soul is playing somewhere, you just have to tune the rest of the noise out to stand a chance of hearing it.

Pilates love and energy as always....

Suzy x
www.seraphinapilates.com

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. -Hilary Cooper....

Since the age of 13 and my first Tap class I have loved to move. My mother says I was always happy to walk miles even from small, apparently I also had a certifiable Great aunt who also liked to walk everywhere but more of that later, perhaps it's in the blood or perhaps I just haven't worked out where I'm trying to get to yet? In any case I love to move, I like to fidget and I get distracted easily. I should clarify I do not like to move fast (I'm not keen on sweating or over heating) but I can always find something to do, it might just take me a while to get there.

And so there is some irony in the fact that I managed a career as a Dancer and now teach Pilates without actually breathing for most of it. I cue it, I discuss it, I understand its importance, I just don't do it! There I've said it and its out there, I do not like to breathe deeply and now I finally know why. I recently sat in on a breathing seminar and had one of those lightening bolt moments whilst looking at the size and structure of the diaphragm and suddenly it hit me. I'd been trying to control that muscle like everything else, within an inch of its very important life. But when we limit this delicious, fabulous muscle we limit all our other muscles too, and then wander why our bodies ache?! In an effort to control, redefine and perfect I have been only giving myself half a chance of really feeling the benefits that breathing and living can bring. Depressed people take less breathes, people in love with life take more- its not rocket science, breathing keeps us alive, so if we want to feel alive we need to pay more attention to it, well at least I do.

It is so easy to get caught up with everyone else's lives, needs and expectations that we forget to look at our own. Ever noticed how your breathing changes without you thinking about it? when your angry, panicking, laughing or when you have literally had your breath taken away by an unexpected encounter. Our hearts sit so closely to our lungs that the movement of the lungs must have a positive effect on the heart, I don't need a research paper to tell me that. And so my homework has been to notice my breathing and be conscious of its effects on my body and mind, to control less and move more, I'm probably still not going to sweat but I'm going to have lots of fun trying. As for my Great Aunt who not only walked endlessly but also drank with Sailor's, sang, danced and had tattoos, well she undoubtedly caused lots of people to stop breathing at times but she was simply to busy living and laughing to notice. Personally, clear the tables people Its time to take a deep breath and dance....

Keep dancing on the tables all......Suzy x

www.seraphinapilates.com

Finding the Classical path to letting go...

Baxter

Ok, I admit it, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious. I'm also loving my new training, learning a lot and being pushed to every limit of my being currently in my real life. I'm a Pilates teacher, that does not make me indestructible, impervious to sadness or always able to know what to do. I have two great loves, Pilates and Animal Welfare, the more I learn about both, the more I'm inspired and the more frustrated I get when small things blur the bigger picture.

Since starting the course I've had the joy of working along side some new trainee teachers and be trained by some truly passionate and gifted ones. The generosity of individuals to preserve and keep alive our great technique is truly humbling and awesome, and I think in some ways the fact that my co trainees find it baffling that I still get teaching stage fright even if it is amusing to watch. I think its easy for those of us who have taught for so long to forget how far our journey has taken us and just how much we have learnt and have yet to learn. You see the more I understand the Classical approach to Pilates the more I'm interested in understanding everyone's perspective on the work, because new isn't always wrong, its just different. Having recently read 'Your Health' written in the 30's there is a very different feel to the work in 'Return to Life' written in the 40's and perhaps that's the point the work we do is always going to have a different view, it just depends which lookout you are positioned on and perhaps even which decade..

And so it seems with the day to day effort to keep Life full of life and as I prepare the teaching schedule up to Christmas, I barely have time to consider the previous year. I had the most amazing time in Italy with an amazing group of Pilates devotees, I really have not laughed like that in a long time, I am truly, truly grateful to those who made it such an awesome experience, even if I did find myself unexpectedly rescuing a poodle one morning, once an animal advocate, always an animal advocate even when at work it seems. 

Since returning my life has been classes, training, legal deadlock with a Freeholder, VAT dilemmas, unhappy tenants, volunteering at my local animal shelter and divorce and now a sick dog with joint problems. Enter my dog Baxter who is my calm in the storm, but now he hurts and never complains and my heart aches for him. My quiet companion who belongs to a so so called devil breed otherwise known as Bull breeds has rescued my soul from the overwhelming grief of losing my beloved dog Honey to Cancer last September, his quiet grace and humor compels me to slow down and chase leaves occasionally...and so it is with admitting that sometimes I get overwhelmed, I say the wrong things to loved ones and to friends, I sometimes forget to reply to emails and voicemail's or update my website, but in case someone doesn't notice because I'm busy being  the strong, capable one, sometimes I just need a little grace too, a little time and understanding, after all its Just Pilates and I'm just a Pilates teacher learning to let go. But rest assured  I promise not to lick your face in gratitude, even if I am forever grateful.

Keep up the Pilates journey....

Suzy 

www.seraphinapilates.com

Unity in Diversity....

This post was originally meant to be about my recent New York Pilates exploits, about going to Barre Classes expecting to exercise like a swan and instead doing butt busting plies to loud aerobics music resembling a blindfolded duck! It was going to focus on meeting Carey Regan at http://www.reabnyc.com/home.asp and the wonderful insight she gave me into her experience of Pilates, 'Its just Pilates' she said to me 'do less and have fun!' I nodded my head like one of the dogs you see in the windows of cars, I threw my arms around as if Makarova herself was dancing inside my head. I worked through the exercises and I screeched as Carey pushed and pulled me until I simply gave up resisting and eventually found my way. In truth I knew very little about Carey before meeting her, other than the fact that she came highly recommended from people I respect and that, quite honestly, was enough.

 



However, this week as the Pilates World lost Romana Kryzanowska and Julian Littleford I am not only saddened by the passing of these individuals but deeply saddened by some of the bickering and squabbling I have observed on social media Forums. I did not know either of these people personally I can however, appreciate the loss to the family and friends left behind. As such I  do not understand some of the posts I have witnessed amongst so called 'Pilates professionals'. From what I can observe Romana along with several other 'Elders' helped Pilates become the success it is today, a legacy reaching far and wide across the globe. a life well lived and champagne often appreciated. In the case of Julian who I watched in interview with Alan Herdman online, I observed a generous, humorous man, passionate about Pilates and his family, I had hoped to cross his path at some point, sadly not to be. His death at 53 was untimely and to many truly devastating, the death of my own father at 45 taught me from an early age that even the apparently young, fit and healthy sometimes get taken too soon. Death is a time for appropriate reverence not playground bitching.

And so as I have read the references to Pilates in terms of a 'Family', 'Industry', 'Business' or 'Corporation' the thing I observe least is 'Community'. Perhaps my position is naïve, where there are people there will always be differences of perspective and opinion, where there are lawsuits there will always be one side arguing for and one side arguing against. But I fear, caught in the middle are those just wanting to enjoy, benefit from and appreciate Pilates. No wonder teachers become frustrated and despondent when they see those they admire openly venting their spleens. To that end perhaps there is just reason to feel aggrieved and angry over events or history but I truly believe not all platforms and times are appropriate, but then that's just my 'rose tinted' opinion. To my own end and continued development  I will continue to train with as many people as I can from as many different schools of thought as possible, because as a wise teacher once said 'Its just Pilates, move more and have fun' and perhaps the most poignant memory of my trip to  NYC will be of visiting the African Memorial where I found the symbol below....and yes I am having it tattooed for all to see. For me it say's it all.

Keep up the Pilates passion,
Suzy x