Elephant, Seals and Crabs....Oh my.....

There are many questions that irritate me in life, but one in particular is 'Are you a cat person or a dog person?'. Firstly I'm not entirely sure what it tells the person about me, unless of course they are suggesting that cats and dogs personality's are easily defined, naive at best, seriously misguided at worst and secondly it suggests that depending on what answer I give I may find myself suddenly standing alone with my drink.

Baxter discussing the finer points of the central heating pipe and access to it with George. George wins. Obviously.

If you've read my pieces before you will know I'm allergic to labels. Fortunately since I have 5 cats and 2 dogs of my own I'm not allergic to animals, well I am slightly to new dogs at the shelter but nothing mild sniveling into a tissue wont resolve. So now you understand my dilemma. I'm told emphatically that dogs are loyal and always forgiving whilst cats are independent and fickle, so now I'm confused, what does it say about me?! lets be clear, it is true that dogs have owners whilst cats have staff. Its only one rule to understand but not exactly difficult to follow even for a human like me.
The thing is the conversation is always the same, yes I have a large feline/canine family, yes its expensive, yes I must have had an 'understanding', 'patient', 'tolerant' partner (insert as many sympathy looks here as you feel appropriate) and no I never planned to have quite so many (well not cats anyway) but sometimes they find you and quite honestly Its not in my nature to turn away paws in need. My work as a volunteer in an animal shelter has taught me that there are already too many animals abandoned fighting labels they never deserved. So back to the question, my answer is always the same 'I'm an animal person', fitting a horse into garden in London would just be silly but I have hope that in time I will live somewhere I'll have space for the horse and of course the donkey too, its bad enough that Mr Jones the cat thinks he's a dog and does the rounds of the local Deli, Bookmakers and local pub regularly (none of which I taught him I hasten to add!)

So the question is why do we need to be cat or dog people at all?! Why cant my life as a Pilates teacher embrace loyalty to the heritage of the work and appeal to my curiosity of movement in its most simple and complex form. I teach my dogs to play confidently, without aggression, dominance or attitude and as such I trust they can integrate creatively and energetically into any pack. I've allowed my cats access to the outside world from day one, believing that a cats life where possible is to chase leaves, walk on rooftops and occasionally grow up believing they are dogs and not just a label. Why cant we as teachers embrace all these qualities? It occurred to me that's the way I approach my work. Sometimes its all about Elephants and sometimes I just want to be a Seal, after all did you ever meet an unhappy seal?! So if I'm left holding my own drink because my bark is occasionally too loud or because I'm not affectionate enough well so be it because every now and then someone will bring you a hot chocolate regardless and remind you a label really doesn't matter to those who matter to you .....


Have a fabulous August all, I'm off to New Jersey to hang out with cool cats and the most handsome dogs in the Universe (my own mutts not withstanding obviously!),

Suzy x

Time to let go....

Its not uncommon for people to share their fears with me during Pilates sessions, both before and after class. I don't seek information, nor do I encourage chatty Pilates but sometimes the mind and body has things it needs to say and the voice is just another way of expressing it. Anyone who believes the way we feel has no bearing on the way we move has never been truly frightened rigid, madly in Love to the point of nervous excitement or curled up in a deep depression. The amazing vessel we more familiarly know as our body is far more complex, simple and courageous than we give it credit for. So its hardly surprising that we sometimes get tired, physically, spiritually and mentally in the process of trying to strengthen, build and heal it.

When we work out and are given time and permission to stop and think, we cant be surprised when thoughts bubble up from depths we have tried so hard to consciously suppress, and when someone has the honesty to tell me that a breakdown is both imminent and likely, I listen.
Modern day life can be wonderful but it can also be soul destroying. As Joseph Pilates documented so accurately, a noisier, busier more 'productive' life sometimes comes at a cost. So as I look back at this last month, working full time, attending a Pilates conference in Valencia (I cant believe its been a year +TonyBalongo +KathiRossNash +BrookeSiler +PeterFiasca!). Teaching a Pilates Retreat in Italy with some amazing women, Seeing our House go Under offer, managing insurance claims for my flat, flight delays and lost luggage,  I realize I'm fragile, just as fragile as those who have shared their deepest fears with me.

I will take ownership of my flat back this month and after 15 years with the same person will close a chapter on my life. I will move back to my old flat and start again, I will be without my relationship and 3 of my beloved furry companions who all crossed the bridge since we left. And whilst I know its the right thing to do, initiating change has its own price to pay. As for teaching, well the Show simply goes on, no one pays me to be broken or in pain.
I was reminded recently that all of this was my choice, getting divorced, my job, my lifestyle. And of course in black and white terms they are entirely accurate, but in truth becoming a dancer was in my bones, meeting my best friend, falling in love, taking care of my family after my fathers death, meeting my husband, all of these things broke me at some level and all of these experiences taught me nothing stayed the same and nor should I expect it to. Even becoming a Teacher was a path I tried to avoid but in the end the long days, demanding clients and intense learning curves were all just too irresistible for my personality to turn down. Perhaps I am not just a sadist as many of my clients believe but a Masochist too?

So what does a fragile teacher do? she simply deals with each day as it comes because the overwhelming reality of the next few weeks is simply to paralyzing to contemplate. Did I mention I have final practical exams to take too....It seems avoiding those didn't work either, the dye has been cast and I've been told to step up to the mark. A race I convinced myself I would never be ready to enter, after all I see teachers that really are worthy of the title whilst I'm constantly haunted by just how much I don't know and have yet to learn . And so as I chatted to my client about how if we didn't listen to our bodies, then we couldn't be surprised when they shouted loudly back in the form of Spasms, migraines or panic attacks, I thought it ironic that I overslept the following morning and missed a session with a client. I'd been telling my body I wasn't tired, it clearly begged to differ and took control whilst I closed my eyes and searched for peace. I've overslept a handful of times in 12 years and still I berated my lack of professionalism instead of acknowledging my exhaustion.

But I suspect that's the point, being out of control with my emotions, life, work etc send me into a spiral of anxiety, instead of being excited about starting a new chapter I'm a rabbit caught  in headlights and the jury's out as to whether i will get to the other side safely or end up as road kill. And so I do what makes me feel better...I buy dresses...and shoes....and bags....because fragility requires Armour and everyone knows a Valentino dress is the perfect flack jacket when your trying to convince the world your not nearly as fragile or as vulnerable as you feel. And as for choice....I'm acutely aware of every one I've ever made, every consequence, every sleepless night and every regret and mistake. I'm just hoping that Roadkill in Valentino turns out to be an oxymoron.

A dog called 'Valentino'

With Pilates love.
Suzy x

Chantilly days...

"Forget all you know and learn something new everyday" Charles James

I've just taken a whole six days off, not one day a week over a six week period but a whole six days in a row. I literally cannot remember when I last did this but I suspect I may be doing it again. It seems I've been re introduced to the value of stepping out of my routine, if only for a few days.

It happened quite by chance, in truth a rather special, impromptu invite from, as it turns out, an extraordinary woman. An act of faith and generosity on her part and an uncharacteristic acceptance on mine. As I have previously documented I'm socially insecure, awkward and clumsy. I feel my differences in technicolor when I'm around people who are to all the world more relaxed and confident in themselves, people who are not vegan, passionate about animals, divorced, childless and complicated. Rare is the person who says 'So what?!' and 'Have you tried this Almond milk? or ' So,I'll just bring a picnic' ' I'm fortunate to have some amazing people around me who do that already, one more person to call a friend is always a gift.

And so it was over six days I was fortunate enough to spend time with an amazing family. I was given space to catch my breath and breathe. I met new people, made new friends and laughed a lot. I met up with an old friend that I hadn't actually spoken to in years, emails are not the same, we chatted as if we had only had coffee yesterday. Even if it had been allowed to get in the way, time, it seemed, couldn't remove a bond formed so many years previously. My friend and I are the most unlikely friends and yet somehow we just are. I took an early morning walk in central park, my favorite place to be on a Sunday morning. I went to the ballet. Twice, just because I could. I went to The Met and studied the architecture of Charles James Couture instead of of historical artifacts, just because I could. I got caught in a Thunder storm on 5th Avenue and continued to walk in the rain. I knew I would dry out eventually with no real harm done. I considered at times if it would have been nicer to share these memories with someone, knowing of course the right company cannot be beaten but the wrong company often risks leaving these memories fraught and cold.

As so as I find myself home and once again riding the Merry go round of early starts and late finishes and working too much, I'm concerned. I'm worried I will forget the girl who laughed, sat in the sun and made new friends. But then I'm reminded that some friendships are just meant to be. And some friends enter your life to kick your behind when your confidence is holding you back from yourself, those same friends know you would do the same thing right back if that's what was needed. The extraordinary friends you'd drive through the night or jump on a plane for, just because they asked you to, or even if they didn't. To the wonderful new Pilates teachers I met and hope to meet again, it was a privilege to work with such passionate, energetic, generous and warm people. The work is alive and thriving due to these individuals today. And so it was I left NYC with a heavy but inspired heart, content to know I would be returning in the not to distant future, if only for the Almond milk and vegan sushi, oh and because only laughter appears to work my obliques quite that effectively.

Some friendships however unlikely. Just are.

Love & Pilates,

Suzy x

Desperately seeking instability....

I have a confession. I really cant bear feeling stable, I'm not good with rules, boundaries or prescriptive thinking. I hate being told what I should be feeling or where I should be going. It wasn't always like this, as a child I rarely broke rank, choosing to be compliant over attention seeking. I accepted bad things happened and took control of every aspect of my life I could. I found solitude and quiet in the rules and structure of dance, Ballet mainly but Tap and Jazz too, Contemporary dance was where I first discovered the power of positive physical contact, Release technique would set me on a path to improvisation where the moment and choices you made in them were instantaneous, if you tried to control the dance or predict its outcome the flow would be gone and so too the moment of magic that dancers search so passionately for even after the music has long fallen silent.

So where does that leave a Pilates teacher who feels in her heart that it is movement ; unpredictable, scary, joyous, playful and non risk assessed movement that teaches better co ordination, balance and  flow and thus builds greater strength and flexibility in not only our bodies but also our minds. Becoming pedestrian in our thinking limits us, understanding why we adhere to certain patterns, guidelines, scripts etc is essential but only as a tool to develop our own understanding and perception. When we accept something without question we cannot deepen our own practice or knowledge. In a community full of wonderful History, teachers and practitioners I find myself even more of a Gypsy than ever. I love to learn about Mr Pilates, but I also love to learn about what Romana thought as well as what she taught. Having just spent some time learning with Blossom Leilani Crawford it was wonderful to learn a little more about her time with Kathy Grant as well as her own take on the work. Over the years, meeting teachers influenced by Ron Fletcher, Eve Gentry, Carola Trier has served to open my eyes to the wonder of the Pilates world I'm fortunate enough to be part of not dilute it.  Mary Bowen once described me as an enigma...I'm sure even Mr Jung would have got exasperated with me but actually I quite like being :

 'a person of puzzling or contradictory character' 

I spent too long accepting what I was told just because people had experience, rank, confidence greater than mine. And so whilst finding moments of stability in our lives will always be healthy, albeit in Pilates or just in day to day life. I choose to reclaim the Fame Sweatshirt of my youth, enjoy the memories of white denim, converse sneakers and Prince....because quite honestly its time to just dance in the Purple Rain and not give a F**K what the lyrics actually mean. I think i might leave that particular analysis to the grown ups who don't believe they are Tinkerbell on their days off. And for those who fear I'm not able to move on from the past, I've more than moved on I've learnt from it too, I can only hope it makes me a better teacher and a better person, one  finally prepared to dance in the rain even with the risk of slipping, I'm confident the Pilates training will keep me on my feet come what may.

Have a wonderful weekend all!Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Wild women do....

'Wild women do. And they don't regret it.' 

It took me a long time to understand these seemingly irreverent lyrics sang by Natalie Cole in 1990, I was 17, full of fear and about to discover the world did not revolve around my adolescent dramas. I would become fiercely independent, never be seen to cry, never look back, being wild I determined would be for other girls.

Over this past month I've been fortunate to cross paths with some more extraordinary women all navigating the trials and tribulations of running small businesses. So this blog is dedicated to them because in each of their they're unique ways they represent the potential in each of us even when we sometimes fail to see it in ourselves. 

Women who start up their own businesses are always passionate and usually a little crazy in my experience. Why else would we work the never enough hours, talk the talk to anyone who will listen and keep going with so little funding, affordable childcare (OK, in my case dog and cat care), accessible professional development and often simple support at home. Those of us blessed with friends or parents there when we simply couldn't fit anything else in, offering encouragement, walking the dog or picking up the dry cleaning, will probably never know how much they've helped keep us afloat when drowning seemed inevitable. We often come to owning these businesses  more by default than by design. An initial passion, an interest, an illness or other life changing event , in some cases all of the above can often be the beginning of careers that others couldn't even begin to contemplate. Sometimes the path simply picks you and not the other way round. Some women understandably choose to listen to the fears, doubts and obstacles in their heads and walk away from opportunities and challenges , others just turn wild and never look back.

Sometimes realizing you've gone wild and possibly a bit feral can be a bit unnerving and so it was a delight to meet Gloria, Lara and Toral recently at Be:Fit. I'm not suggesting any of these women are remotely wild or feral like me, but passionate about what they do?... most definitely.

Firstly Toral, owner of www.theurbankitchen.co.uk whose passion and interest in keeping ridiculously busy people healthy and energized with fresh, home cooked food (literally) was infectious, and fabulous to meet her wonderful mum too. The lovely Lara whose designs at http://gymluxe.com/ just make you wish you had half her creative talent, more importantly however the clothes are awesome to workout in, a case of style and substance. For the first time my clients are realizing I actually have legs (I'm usually a strictly baggy sweat pants kind of girl) even my teacher is seeing them in a whole new light, who knew I could actually turn out my legs that much and who knew they were that long! 

The charming Gloria at http://www.rockondivas.com/ is changing the lives of women after Cancer one workshop, spa day, retreat at a time proving that recovery can be a time for appreciating just how extraordinary the body is at healing given just a little positive support, guidance and love. So the truth is these women inspire me to remain wild, challenging and unpredictable in my future adventures and if people want to talk about risk assessment, concept strategies or discuss focus groups I think I might just take my newly unleashed mesh covered thighs and skip merrily along, maybe even singing as I go.....

Wild women do and they don't regret it
Wild women show what they're goin' through
Wild women do what you think they'll never
What you only dream about wild women do

It seems when you love what you do and have an unstoppable passion for it, running a business is a lot like being in love. Unpredictable, compelling, complicated, never guaranteed to last and exhausting but always rewarding in ways you never expect and never regret. Well at least it is for the wild ones who aren't 17 any more.

Loving GymLuxe even when I have passed out after teaching!

Pilates love to All....

Suzy x

www.seraphinapilates.com

I'm a Mosquito....

“If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.”

― Anita Roddick

Did you ever truly consider the impact Pilates has on our lives? If your'e a teacher, not only on your life but those of your students and clients?. If your the student or client then the impact on your teachers life?
I exhibited last weekend at a women's fitness exhibition, I was there to promote my Pilates Retreats, but, as those who know me best know, I'm not big on self promotion, however, there I was, the only Pilates Exhibitor on site in a sea of 12.000 (mainly) women and the odd very fit man.

Over the three days and having spoken to almost 400 people, myself, my mum and a friend explained, discussed and guided people through their Pilates questions and learnt about just where Pilates figured into their lives. Interestingly only one person asked me who I trained with, some wanted to know how to find a teacher, some were surprised to know the System was named after a 'Real' man. For the most part however Pilates was and is having the most extraordinary impact on their lives. Many are doing what is described as Pre Pilates, Clinical or Fitness Pilates, very few were doing Studio Pilates with access to the full system yet most were happy and feeling the benefits in ways they had not only hoped but also in ways they hadn't expected.

And so when I consider the ripple effect of one man's vision I'm left slightly in awe of what Pilates teachers far and wide are currently achieving, both in classes and the studio. In reality we can work as hard as we want but if a client doesn't pick up the baton and run with it then true change doesn't occur. The magic for me is that clearly the baton of physical and mental empowerment is being handed beautifully from teacher to client but also from client back to teacher. Quite simply the more we inspire the more inspired we should become better teachers. So it occurs to me that just as there is room for all skill levels and abilities in the clients we teach there is room for all types of teachers. The most important thing is that the right client finds the right teacher, fall's in Love with the Pilates Method and never looks back.

As for the exhibition, it saddened me that Pilates was not represented at an event that was about women, health and fitness. With so many Pilates training providers with much bigger marketing budgets than me (i.e they have one!) I was sorry not to see one there helping share the Method I'm so passionate about. And so I decided to be a Mosquito in a sea of 'Power plate', 'Extreme Body Sculpt' and 'Super Modal workouts' Needless to say my Retreat promotion was somewhat side tracked. I did however get to meet some amazing people all busy being Mosquito's in their own rights including http://www.theurbankitchen.co.uk/, http://gymluxe.com/ and http://www.rockondivas.com/ and was even gifted some fabulous gloves and toe socks by http://www.gaiam.com/ .More on these guys later as they deserve a blog all of their own for being such amazing people to know.

In the meantime I'd better get on with promoting my Pilates Retreats, http://www.seraphinapilates.com/pilatesbreaks.html, possibly using sign language since I've lost the ability to speak after talking so much, alternatively I might leave it to my administrator since she can always find something more to say, not to mention a fit man to say it to!

Happy Pilates Weekend All!

Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

When Love hurts

“You become what you think about all day long.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the about quote is true, I'm in trouble.
I don't know when it happened, it started of as a casual acquaintance, something that took up my time infrequently and without that much thought. It was something that belonged alongside all the other things that filled my day, It was OK but nothing special. And then we went our separate ways, Life got in the way and there were others that would burn a flame with far more commitment and passion than me. A brief and playful dalliance was over.

A long, long time ago dancing in 'Peter's Hands' with Magpie Dance Company. Peter is the dancer in the picture, he choreographed the entire duet inspite of his severe learning disability, it was always a joy to dance.

My long term love has always been the theater, an empty one, preferably, with its ghosts and stories, where magical, fleeting moments, never to be repeated are played out six days a week. The rewards of Performing were always secondary to the feeling of belonging I had in an empty rehearsal space or theater, once my performing career had ended, I had assumed my destiny would remain tied to a twilight world where the hushed expectations of an audience would provide a creative soul with a reason to continue existing.
To this day I'm not quite sure when or why the transition out of the rehearsal space and into the gym happened, I was offered a job if I trained as a personal trainer so I took it. My love of theater wouldn't pay the bills and I had a mortgage and bill's so I walked away from something I loved into something I loathed.

I should explain, I loved working with clients but as someone who cant bear gyms and the 'No pain, no gain' culture that was so strong at the time, I just didn't fit. I certainly wasn't about to start drinking protein shakes and develop a sudden passion for competitive BMI statistics. And so, inevitably, I was fired, well that's what you get for not sleeping with the boss and doing too much Pilates, what had been a brief encounter in a previous dancing life was drawing me back in, my previous dalliance was soon to become a full blown relationship but it would come at a price.

And so here I am, I've taught Pilates for 12 years, 7 days a week for the first 9 years, 6 days a week for the last 3. I love what I do but the price has been high. Unlike the six days a week I worked in theater where you always had a theatrical family around you, I've worked alone and independently for the length of my Pilates career, no colleagues and few friends. Constant early starts and late nights throughout the week play havoc with a social life until you realize you no longer have one. And so I've realized if my love affair with the Pilates method is to endure then things have to change, in part I think that's why I returned to retrain, I needed to be with others in a shared space, somewhere I could be supported as well as support. I needed a studio to provide the security that an empty stage or rehearsal space had once done, I am eternally grateful to have found one, even if I do still love it best with no one in it. The baby steps I'm taking are clumsy, I'm awkward around noise, struggle painfully with social occasions and am still petrified (literally) of meeting new people unless its during work. But much like my clients I'm a work in progress and as much as the love and passion I have for Pilates evolves I've learnt it can easily take too much from you if you allow it to, I'm forever grateful that the early dalliance became a life long adventure, it will however not be allowed to hurt who I become but merely be a beautiful part of the whole current madness that is my life....once I get one that is!

Love and adventures,
Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com