Defying Gravity....

'Something has changed with in.
 Something is not the same.....'

2015 has arrived and I wander how many people are already berating themselves because their resolutions and good intentions were broken before the clock hit 00.01 on January 1st. Mine were easy, I gave up giving things up, now that I can stick to! I spent New Years eve surrounded by my four paw family under a blanket watching the 100 best Musicals (as voted by a highly dubious public apparently), Not even a glass of bubbles but lots of show tunes, jazz hands and OMG West Side Story should have scored higher!. Ok so not all that Rock and Roll but New Year can be a reflective time for some with the promise of the New year ahead being both exciting, scary but with the promise of unlimited potential. That said Grease should not have been number 1!

So as I've prepared to return to work I hit the Yoga Studio this week. For those of you rolling your eyes I am fully aware Yoga is not Pilates. I'm also aware I know very little about it, I am very challenged by it, I don't know the names of the exercises and my body wont do most of whats asked, and that I'm aching in places I haven't ached this much for in a long time. I've been pushed, pulled, encouraged and delighted to move again without over analysing myself, a whole different dance to discover and I've loved most of it (I'm not great with vocalising and feeling like I'm in a scene from The Walking Dead) I have no desire to incorporate what I've experienced into my Pilates work, except perhaps some of the lessons I've learnt about myself. One particular Italian Teacher reminded me very much of Joseph Pilates himself as I would have imagined him to be, dynamic, passionate, strict and a Maestro of Movement in very short shorts, when he asked us to think of our spines defying gravity I finally breathed, I'm not sure he realised he was tapping into my Musical theatre roots (Wicked anyone?!) or my Pilates spirit but I loved the description and the idea. From here on in my spine and my life will be defying gravity, as the extraordinarily talented  +IdinaMenzel  put it 'I'm through accepting limits, cause someone says they're so'

Which brings me to the heart of this piece, its a New Year thank you to an exceptional man married to an exceptional Pilates teacher. They've been together over 30 years and have a beautiful family. Just one fly in the sticky ointment, he is living with Cancer. I say living because this amazing man has taught me a great deal in the brief time I've been part of his life. It was a privilege to be part of their last minute wedding vow renewals last May when his body threw a curve ball unexpectedly. It was lovely to see him at my friends 50th party last month, as ever the life and soul and we heard his heartfelt message to us loud and clear.
We all have a sell by date, life sometimes forces some of us to become more aware of dates than others so just in case my time is called before this amazing man and his ability to defy gravity, I thought he should know that he has changed my life, changed the life of those I love the most and I owe him a debt of enormous gratitude. I wander at his love of life, his talent, his ability to write, to speak, to paint and the devoted love he has for his wife and their children. He also knows a soul mate when he see's it. He is afterall an expert in the subject.

So to all of those who are living, fighting and loving into the year ahead with curveballs. Change the rules, make up the lyrics, write a new script, go ice skating and drink hot chocolate even though you promised to give up caffeine, sugar, milk, calories,  fun?! for 2015....we all have the ability to defy gravity so just find your wings and spread them wide....

Love, light and passion for 2015,
Suzy x
www.seraphinapilates.com

Tree Houses and fairy lights....

So I've been a little quiet with my writing, some things need to be said to people directly and not be put to paper. I've had some amazing conversations since I last wrote, life changing ones, honest ones, difficult ones. I've experienced anxiety attacks for the first time in a long time and been lucky enough to have the perfect friend to bring me back from the precipice, I've had conversations that have triggered my self esteem issues, I've struggled with nagging historical  food issues and memories of self harming, and for the first time I've chosen not to go into the darkness. Of course we make these decisions alone, we are all responsible for ourselves but a voice in the dark can remind us who we truly are not what we believe ourselves to be.

So as my ability to communicate this week has been uncharacteristically quiet as a result of Laryngitis. Needless to say I've continued to teach where possible (oh the joys of being self employed), non verbal teaching skills pushed to the most hilarious limits and significantly more demonstrating on my part. It seems my classes have delighted in pushing my body when I've had no voice to protest with! Although to be fair being told I was now silently and subtly sadistic did make me smile today. Continuing whilst having to find new ways to communicate has been challenging but enlightening . Whats been amazing is the energy in class, as much I've been honest with my current limitations the classes have really raised their game in response. Instead of worrying about being off my game I've just accepted I am, classes have been focussed, funny and intense as a result. Sometimes we just have to be ourselves and not frightened to let the performance go, at least I do.

And so as I'm surrounded by fairy lights and a huge perfect Christmas tree, I'm reminded that this time of year is about finding the light when its easy to get lost in the cold, dark, days. Its easy to get caught up with the commercial merry go round that Christmas and then New Year can be, but it is ultimately our choice whether we participate or not. We can of course buy into the excess of everything or we can continue living our lives being as honest with ourselves as we can be. January will no doubt see the inevitable mass of people thinking their lives will change dramatically with a new gym membership or a green drink with unpronounceable ingredients. Perhaps it will, but perhaps, we as teachers, partners, parents, children need to appreciate the true changes we need to make are made every day, starting today. When we are kinder to ourselves, to each other, when we find the magic in the conversations we have with our friends, family or clients that aren't via email, text or pigeon carrier I think we can truly appreciate the presence we each others lives.

So as I immerse myself happily in Christmas music, Sparkle and Love and enjoy the joys of voluntary work over the Holidays I will be truly grateful for the season of good will and the start of 2015 and all that it promises. As someone reminded me luck has nothing to do with it, we, ourselves have everything to do with it. And besides what could be more perfect than knowing I'm going to have a tree house with fairy lights to look forward to, some people need loft conversions, extensions and bigger cars. I am blessed with a job I love, family, friends I adore and more four legs than one life can manage so really what else can a London Pilates teacher ask for....well apart from those Chanel earrings of course (yes I am blatantly that shallow).......well a fairy can dream cant she?!, Happy Holidays All!

Suzy, Doodle, Baxter and all the other paws.....

xxx

Sleeping Lions hiding in the Loft....

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” 
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Words fascinate me, grammar and spelling less so but words and the power they contain should be given more thought, attention and respect. Its not just language but actual words, spoken or written they can change everything about everything.

It is said only 20% of how we communicate information is through our words, the rest is written in our facial expressions, our tone of voice, the speed and intonation we use, our body language and so many other things that are barely tangible to the average individual. As teachers we rely on words and language to communicate instructions, ideas and theories in an effort to ultimately create movement. Many teachers use too many words, many too few, many are careless and some even swear (guilty as charged) but how many of us consider the resonance of our words with not only our clients but each other?

Whilst attending a Yoga class last week (stop frowning some of you reading this!), the teacher said something that really struck me, 'Our bodies are designed, and able to fall.....more importantly they are also designed to get up'. It was such a simple statement but how often do we get caught up with the word falling and hear and interpret the word as failing?
Lets be clear, I know nothing about Yoga but I like participating it because I know nothing, I like to move without the chatter in my head getting in the way, I like to go too far and loose my balance, I've realized I actually like to fall sometimes. For me those moments shine the light on the experiences where I find balance and feel my feet. I listened as the next teacher talked more than she moved. A class designed to restore and heal (Seriously did I need my heart and chest opened right now?!) The words used in this class were quiet, calming and affirming and it occurred to me that I was surrounded by 19 adults that really just needed to be somewhere peaceful (including me), they needed to be given permission to slow down and rest their minds as well as their bodies. They needed to be sleeping lions.

After my second week working at www.pilatesnation.co.uk I've been reflecting back on working in a studio and the intense joy it brings me. As each new client and class participant has been introduced to me the language of Pilates has taken flight in my spirit, partly because of the teachers around me (finally I'm not alone on the job all the time) but finally getting to use the Method in all its Technicolor glory. I'm sure I'm making lots of mistakes, giggling too much and getting my words all wrong but I'm seeing change in the clients before me which is beyond inspiring. Who would have thought being pushed off a cliff would result in ever expanding wing expansion, although I will happily and with respectful love name every graze, bruise and personal meltdown Kathi since the formidable and fabulous +KathiRossNash was the one who pushed me off the cliff and into this warm albeit turbulent current of air. Of course there will be days when I cry in the supermarket because self doubt, fear and anxiety will be the loudest words in my head telling me I'm not good enough, there will be days that even my favorite grey vest to teach in wont offer me the reassurance it usually does . So if you are reading this having only experienced the wonders of the Mat, find a way to experience the Method in its entirety, it might be a challenge but the rewards will be beyond anything you might expect. I followed a path for 12 years believing I was challenging myself, I worked hard and kept going forward, I never allowed myself the time to fall for fear others would think I was failing. I disguised every bruise, every hurt and every scratch, however deep the wound went. This last year has been a series of falls and flights. The journey started with +BrookeSiler +PeterFiasca and +KathiRossNash in Valencia 2013 and ended up with a fairy called Tinkerbelle in 2014 (its a long story which requires Champagne and luxury nuts before I will share it)....in the meantime I will continue to follow the wisdom of a Bear that liked honey a little too much and get there eventually, oh and then head off to catch a flight to Cyprus to teach Pilates in the sunshine....

Pilates passion and love,

Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com

Its all about Love.

'All the material things are nothing.I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence.....I don't want to live-I want to love first and live incidentally' Zelda Fitzgerald

When I was approaching writing this I had thought it would be about my recent Pilates adventure in NYC and New Jersey, I then thought it would be about TRX. Yesterday I thought it would be about loss. Today I realize it is about Love.

When I took up the invite to head out to New Jersey I knew it would be an awesome opportunity to study with and be surrounded by some exceptional individuals. I also knew my insecurities and fears around meeting new people would rage, which they did. Not because of anything the extraordinary and diverse group of people did (they were all, without exception generous, spirited and passionate about Pilates) but because I am haunted continually by fears of letting people down. Its easy to buckle to our fears and even easier to run from them but with the support of those I respected and trusted the only sensible thing to do was to buckle down, stay focused and enjoy the ride. My love of Pilates and those who inspire me, I decided, was greater than the continual tinnitus of my fears. Which brings me to my attempts at TRX.

As those who know me well will observe I'm not keen on loud music or fast exercise, I'm not sure what happened other than the fact that I decide to say  f**k it and go with the flow, possibly landing on my tush in the process but something intriguing happened. It turned out to be great fun and even better I didn't land on my backside, the more I let go of my failure anxiety the better I became at balance and control. It would be fair to say that many were somewhat bemused by my sudden 'energy' and 'attack', I did however, take note and I did learn a lesson. I remembered how much I love moving and how I'm much better when I move more and think less. KRN I may even have it tattooed as a permanent reminder!

NYC...a city to walk, watch and take note.

Whilst in Manhattan I caught up with an old friend, we went to Soul Cycle, we drank slime green juices, we walked and talked for miles and miles. We rarely see each other and lose contact for months at a time and then we meet up and no time has passed at all. I remembered how much I loved the friends who love you even without daily status updates. The friends who hold your hand through the night even when they're miles away and the friends who make a promise that your flight will go just fine, just because they know your frightened of getting on the plane during a storm.

So finally as I was navigating my thoughts I was saddened to read yesterday about a Pilates teacher killed in NYC by a negligent cab driver last weekend. I did not know her personally but the fact that I had been in the City that weekend really resonated with me. She was due to relocate this weekend and begin a new chapter in her life, she had everything to live for and a life to love. The Universe had different plans however. I hope she knew how much she was loved and respected by her Pilates family so evident with the condolences expressed. And so with the journey of this last week, the fact that it might have been me stepping out in front of that yellow cab that Love is really all its about. Loving what we do, loving those who mean the world to us, whatever the ultimate cost. Loving our bodies, regardless of the things we consider imperfect. But most of all Loving adventure, risk, dogs, cats, kisses, modal airplanes and French Martinis, not necessarily in that order. And should the Universe decide it has other plans at least I will know I lived incidentally and loved first.

Pitbull love in the city sunshine....

Sweet sixteen love, respect and inspiration,

Suzy x
www.seraphinapilates.com

Elephant, Seals and Crabs....Oh my.....

There are many questions that irritate me in life, but one in particular is 'Are you a cat person or a dog person?'. Firstly I'm not entirely sure what it tells the person about me, unless of course they are suggesting that cats and dogs personality's are easily defined, naive at best, seriously misguided at worst and secondly it suggests that depending on what answer I give I may find myself suddenly standing alone with my drink.

Baxter discussing the finer points of the central heating pipe and access to it with George. George wins. Obviously.

If you've read my pieces before you will know I'm allergic to labels. Fortunately since I have 5 cats and 2 dogs of my own I'm not allergic to animals, well I am slightly to new dogs at the shelter but nothing mild sniveling into a tissue wont resolve. So now you understand my dilemma. I'm told emphatically that dogs are loyal and always forgiving whilst cats are independent and fickle, so now I'm confused, what does it say about me?! lets be clear, it is true that dogs have owners whilst cats have staff. Its only one rule to understand but not exactly difficult to follow even for a human like me.
The thing is the conversation is always the same, yes I have a large feline/canine family, yes its expensive, yes I must have had an 'understanding', 'patient', 'tolerant' partner (insert as many sympathy looks here as you feel appropriate) and no I never planned to have quite so many (well not cats anyway) but sometimes they find you and quite honestly Its not in my nature to turn away paws in need. My work as a volunteer in an animal shelter has taught me that there are already too many animals abandoned fighting labels they never deserved. So back to the question, my answer is always the same 'I'm an animal person', fitting a horse into garden in London would just be silly but I have hope that in time I will live somewhere I'll have space for the horse and of course the donkey too, its bad enough that Mr Jones the cat thinks he's a dog and does the rounds of the local Deli, Bookmakers and local pub regularly (none of which I taught him I hasten to add!)

So the question is why do we need to be cat or dog people at all?! Why cant my life as a Pilates teacher embrace loyalty to the heritage of the work and appeal to my curiosity of movement in its most simple and complex form. I teach my dogs to play confidently, without aggression, dominance or attitude and as such I trust they can integrate creatively and energetically into any pack. I've allowed my cats access to the outside world from day one, believing that a cats life where possible is to chase leaves, walk on rooftops and occasionally grow up believing they are dogs and not just a label. Why cant we as teachers embrace all these qualities? It occurred to me that's the way I approach my work. Sometimes its all about Elephants and sometimes I just want to be a Seal, after all did you ever meet an unhappy seal?! So if I'm left holding my own drink because my bark is occasionally too loud or because I'm not affectionate enough well so be it because every now and then someone will bring you a hot chocolate regardless and remind you a label really doesn't matter to those who matter to you .....


Have a fabulous August all, I'm off to New Jersey to hang out with cool cats and the most handsome dogs in the Universe (my own mutts not withstanding obviously!),

Suzy x

Time to let go....

Its not uncommon for people to share their fears with me during Pilates sessions, both before and after class. I don't seek information, nor do I encourage chatty Pilates but sometimes the mind and body has things it needs to say and the voice is just another way of expressing it. Anyone who believes the way we feel has no bearing on the way we move has never been truly frightened rigid, madly in Love to the point of nervous excitement or curled up in a deep depression. The amazing vessel we more familiarly know as our body is far more complex, simple and courageous than we give it credit for. So its hardly surprising that we sometimes get tired, physically, spiritually and mentally in the process of trying to strengthen, build and heal it.

When we work out and are given time and permission to stop and think, we cant be surprised when thoughts bubble up from depths we have tried so hard to consciously suppress, and when someone has the honesty to tell me that a breakdown is both imminent and likely, I listen.
Modern day life can be wonderful but it can also be soul destroying. As Joseph Pilates documented so accurately, a noisier, busier more 'productive' life sometimes comes at a cost. So as I look back at this last month, working full time, attending a Pilates conference in Valencia (I cant believe its been a year +TonyBalongo +KathiRossNash +BrookeSiler +PeterFiasca!). Teaching a Pilates Retreat in Italy with some amazing women, Seeing our House go Under offer, managing insurance claims for my flat, flight delays and lost luggage,  I realize I'm fragile, just as fragile as those who have shared their deepest fears with me.

I will take ownership of my flat back this month and after 15 years with the same person will close a chapter on my life. I will move back to my old flat and start again, I will be without my relationship and 3 of my beloved furry companions who all crossed the bridge since we left. And whilst I know its the right thing to do, initiating change has its own price to pay. As for teaching, well the Show simply goes on, no one pays me to be broken or in pain.
I was reminded recently that all of this was my choice, getting divorced, my job, my lifestyle. And of course in black and white terms they are entirely accurate, but in truth becoming a dancer was in my bones, meeting my best friend, falling in love, taking care of my family after my fathers death, meeting my husband, all of these things broke me at some level and all of these experiences taught me nothing stayed the same and nor should I expect it to. Even becoming a Teacher was a path I tried to avoid but in the end the long days, demanding clients and intense learning curves were all just too irresistible for my personality to turn down. Perhaps I am not just a sadist as many of my clients believe but a Masochist too?

So what does a fragile teacher do? she simply deals with each day as it comes because the overwhelming reality of the next few weeks is simply to paralyzing to contemplate. Did I mention I have final practical exams to take too....It seems avoiding those didn't work either, the dye has been cast and I've been told to step up to the mark. A race I convinced myself I would never be ready to enter, after all I see teachers that really are worthy of the title whilst I'm constantly haunted by just how much I don't know and have yet to learn . And so as I chatted to my client about how if we didn't listen to our bodies, then we couldn't be surprised when they shouted loudly back in the form of Spasms, migraines or panic attacks, I thought it ironic that I overslept the following morning and missed a session with a client. I'd been telling my body I wasn't tired, it clearly begged to differ and took control whilst I closed my eyes and searched for peace. I've overslept a handful of times in 12 years and still I berated my lack of professionalism instead of acknowledging my exhaustion.

But I suspect that's the point, being out of control with my emotions, life, work etc send me into a spiral of anxiety, instead of being excited about starting a new chapter I'm a rabbit caught  in headlights and the jury's out as to whether i will get to the other side safely or end up as road kill. And so I do what makes me feel better...I buy dresses...and shoes....and bags....because fragility requires Armour and everyone knows a Valentino dress is the perfect flack jacket when your trying to convince the world your not nearly as fragile or as vulnerable as you feel. And as for choice....I'm acutely aware of every one I've ever made, every consequence, every sleepless night and every regret and mistake. I'm just hoping that Roadkill in Valentino turns out to be an oxymoron.

A dog called 'Valentino'

With Pilates love.
Suzy x

Chantilly days...

"Forget all you know and learn something new everyday" Charles James

I've just taken a whole six days off, not one day a week over a six week period but a whole six days in a row. I literally cannot remember when I last did this but I suspect I may be doing it again. It seems I've been re introduced to the value of stepping out of my routine, if only for a few days.

It happened quite by chance, in truth a rather special, impromptu invite from, as it turns out, an extraordinary woman. An act of faith and generosity on her part and an uncharacteristic acceptance on mine. As I have previously documented I'm socially insecure, awkward and clumsy. I feel my differences in technicolor when I'm around people who are to all the world more relaxed and confident in themselves, people who are not vegan, passionate about animals, divorced, childless and complicated. Rare is the person who says 'So what?!' and 'Have you tried this Almond milk? or ' So,I'll just bring a picnic' ' I'm fortunate to have some amazing people around me who do that already, one more person to call a friend is always a gift.

And so it was over six days I was fortunate enough to spend time with an amazing family. I was given space to catch my breath and breathe. I met new people, made new friends and laughed a lot. I met up with an old friend that I hadn't actually spoken to in years, emails are not the same, we chatted as if we had only had coffee yesterday. Even if it had been allowed to get in the way, time, it seemed, couldn't remove a bond formed so many years previously. My friend and I are the most unlikely friends and yet somehow we just are. I took an early morning walk in central park, my favorite place to be on a Sunday morning. I went to the ballet. Twice, just because I could. I went to The Met and studied the architecture of Charles James Couture instead of of historical artifacts, just because I could. I got caught in a Thunder storm on 5th Avenue and continued to walk in the rain. I knew I would dry out eventually with no real harm done. I considered at times if it would have been nicer to share these memories with someone, knowing of course the right company cannot be beaten but the wrong company often risks leaving these memories fraught and cold.

As so as I find myself home and once again riding the Merry go round of early starts and late finishes and working too much, I'm concerned. I'm worried I will forget the girl who laughed, sat in the sun and made new friends. But then I'm reminded that some friendships are just meant to be. And some friends enter your life to kick your behind when your confidence is holding you back from yourself, those same friends know you would do the same thing right back if that's what was needed. The extraordinary friends you'd drive through the night or jump on a plane for, just because they asked you to, or even if they didn't. To the wonderful new Pilates teachers I met and hope to meet again, it was a privilege to work with such passionate, energetic, generous and warm people. The work is alive and thriving due to these individuals today. And so it was I left NYC with a heavy but inspired heart, content to know I would be returning in the not to distant future, if only for the Almond milk and vegan sushi, oh and because only laughter appears to work my obliques quite that effectively.

Some friendships however unlikely. Just are.

Love & Pilates,

Suzy x