Desperately seeking instability....

I have a confession. I really cant bear feeling stable, I'm not good with rules, boundaries or prescriptive thinking. I hate being told what I should be feeling or where I should be going. It wasn't always like this, as a child I rarely broke rank, choosing to be compliant over attention seeking. I accepted bad things happened and took control of every aspect of my life I could. I found solitude and quiet in the rules and structure of dance, Ballet mainly but Tap and Jazz too, Contemporary dance was where I first discovered the power of positive physical contact, Release technique would set me on a path to improvisation where the moment and choices you made in them were instantaneous, if you tried to control the dance or predict its outcome the flow would be gone and so too the moment of magic that dancers search so passionately for even after the music has long fallen silent.

So where does that leave a Pilates teacher who feels in her heart that it is movement ; unpredictable, scary, joyous, playful and non risk assessed movement that teaches better co ordination, balance and  flow and thus builds greater strength and flexibility in not only our bodies but also our minds. Becoming pedestrian in our thinking limits us, understanding why we adhere to certain patterns, guidelines, scripts etc is essential but only as a tool to develop our own understanding and perception. When we accept something without question we cannot deepen our own practice or knowledge. In a community full of wonderful History, teachers and practitioners I find myself even more of a Gypsy than ever. I love to learn about Mr Pilates, but I also love to learn about what Romana thought as well as what she taught. Having just spent some time learning with Blossom Leilani Crawford it was wonderful to learn a little more about her time with Kathy Grant as well as her own take on the work. Over the years, meeting teachers influenced by Ron Fletcher, Eve Gentry, Carola Trier has served to open my eyes to the wonder of the Pilates world I'm fortunate enough to be part of not dilute it.  Mary Bowen once described me as an enigma...I'm sure even Mr Jung would have got exasperated with me but actually I quite like being :

 'a person of puzzling or contradictory character' 

I spent too long accepting what I was told just because people had experience, rank, confidence greater than mine. And so whilst finding moments of stability in our lives will always be healthy, albeit in Pilates or just in day to day life. I choose to reclaim the Fame Sweatshirt of my youth, enjoy the memories of white denim, converse sneakers and Prince....because quite honestly its time to just dance in the Purple Rain and not give a F**K what the lyrics actually mean. I think i might leave that particular analysis to the grown ups who don't believe they are Tinkerbell on their days off. And for those who fear I'm not able to move on from the past, I've more than moved on I've learnt from it too, I can only hope it makes me a better teacher and a better person, one  finally prepared to dance in the rain even with the risk of slipping, I'm confident the Pilates training will keep me on my feet come what may.

Have a wonderful weekend all!Suzy
www.seraphinapilates.com