Tree Houses and fairy lights....

So I've been a little quiet with my writing, some things need to be said to people directly and not be put to paper. I've had some amazing conversations since I last wrote, life changing ones, honest ones, difficult ones. I've experienced anxiety attacks for the first time in a long time and been lucky enough to have the perfect friend to bring me back from the precipice, I've had conversations that have triggered my self esteem issues, I've struggled with nagging historical  food issues and memories of self harming, and for the first time I've chosen not to go into the darkness. Of course we make these decisions alone, we are all responsible for ourselves but a voice in the dark can remind us who we truly are not what we believe ourselves to be.

So as my ability to communicate this week has been uncharacteristically quiet as a result of Laryngitis. Needless to say I've continued to teach where possible (oh the joys of being self employed), non verbal teaching skills pushed to the most hilarious limits and significantly more demonstrating on my part. It seems my classes have delighted in pushing my body when I've had no voice to protest with! Although to be fair being told I was now silently and subtly sadistic did make me smile today. Continuing whilst having to find new ways to communicate has been challenging but enlightening . Whats been amazing is the energy in class, as much I've been honest with my current limitations the classes have really raised their game in response. Instead of worrying about being off my game I've just accepted I am, classes have been focussed, funny and intense as a result. Sometimes we just have to be ourselves and not frightened to let the performance go, at least I do.

And so as I'm surrounded by fairy lights and a huge perfect Christmas tree, I'm reminded that this time of year is about finding the light when its easy to get lost in the cold, dark, days. Its easy to get caught up with the commercial merry go round that Christmas and then New Year can be, but it is ultimately our choice whether we participate or not. We can of course buy into the excess of everything or we can continue living our lives being as honest with ourselves as we can be. January will no doubt see the inevitable mass of people thinking their lives will change dramatically with a new gym membership or a green drink with unpronounceable ingredients. Perhaps it will, but perhaps, we as teachers, partners, parents, children need to appreciate the true changes we need to make are made every day, starting today. When we are kinder to ourselves, to each other, when we find the magic in the conversations we have with our friends, family or clients that aren't via email, text or pigeon carrier I think we can truly appreciate the presence we each others lives.

So as I immerse myself happily in Christmas music, Sparkle and Love and enjoy the joys of voluntary work over the Holidays I will be truly grateful for the season of good will and the start of 2015 and all that it promises. As someone reminded me luck has nothing to do with it, we, ourselves have everything to do with it. And besides what could be more perfect than knowing I'm going to have a tree house with fairy lights to look forward to, some people need loft conversions, extensions and bigger cars. I am blessed with a job I love, family, friends I adore and more four legs than one life can manage so really what else can a London Pilates teacher ask for....well apart from those Chanel earrings of course (yes I am blatantly that shallow).......well a fairy can dream cant she?!, Happy Holidays All!

Suzy, Doodle, Baxter and all the other paws.....

xxx